Listen closely, it is more than sound.

Sorry for the delay, and sorry for the odd Monday post... I have kind of been lost in school work and bowling. Life just keeps going, and I guess it's my job to try to keep up. Well here's my latest thoughts... Music!

So, I’m relaxing and listening to some music the other day, and come across two songs that I absolutely fall for. So, this post will be talking about both songs… They are both of done by Passenger, and quite honestly may be a few of the most honest and well worded songs I’ve ever really heard. 

In the song “Holes”, he speaks about how people struggle through life and lose things. The same time though, in losing everything, they find something greater than the all the things they lost. They find the idea of strength and courage to be an underdog. “Yeah we got holes, in our hearts, yeah we got holes, in our lives, yeah we got holes, we got holes. But we carry on.” If you’ve never heard this song, I suggest you listen to it. There’s a little language, but overall it’s an amazing song with a great moral. Another line from it that resonates with me, “Let me tell you something, when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.” The verses talk of two people he’s met, both in horrible situations, but both say what the chorus says, “Yeah we got holes… But we carry on.” This song doesn’t speak, but screams the idea that guess what, no matter how down you get… Life carries on! Isn’t that a wonderful statement? I mean, life is horrible, you may feel down and out. You may be left with holes in your hearts but the truth is everyone around you has holes. A hole from a previous relationship, a hole from parent issues. Anything and everything can cause holes. Look around you, breath, see the people walking around… You’re not alone. I have my fair share of holes. But life carries on. And that is the beauty in life, the fact we as humans carry a similar characteristic, more so than just being, well… Human.

The second song is “Little Lights”. This, to me, can be such a sad and depressing song but at the same time it conveys such a warm feeling. The idea is that we are all born with little lights, which is love, that show us the way to go in our lives. “We’re born with millions, of little lights shinning in the dark, and they show us the way. One lights up, every time we feel love in our hearts, and it dies when it goes away.” It’s such a beautiful song, talking how he’s gone trough life with all these little lights and every time that love dies in him a light goes out. You know, after listening to this song several times over the past few days, I can’t help but fall more in love with this concept. I mean, be honest with yourself, cause I’m going to be honest now… Majority of people have a conscious, a little voice in their head telling them what’s right and wrong. Unfortunately this voice fades the more and more we lie or do wrong, and it’s also silenced from the get go in some people. We all live the same life. Think, we are all born, we are all subject to events that could happen to anyone, and we all live and die. We are all filled with little hearts, unfortunately life happens and these little lights are blown out in a split second when born into broken homes and deep poverty. It’s sad to think about, but it is possible to gain lights, show love and give love. It’s as simple as that. After a dear friend of mine had committed suicide, I had saw this quote that I really like… “Be kinder than necessary, everyone is fighting a battle of some sorts.” What a beautiful thought. To be able to influence someones life for the better by simply being kind and loving. Not to mention it will certainly make you feel better too. I’ve been working on this since that horrible day I received that phone call… Another thing I read was a great story by this one girl. She was out with her boyfriend and he’d wave and smile to everyone they met. She asked him why he does that, he doesn’t know them. His response, “I heard from a few people who had failed in there attempts of suicide, they said if even a stranger had acknowledged them they may not have tried”. Umm… wow. Like, what kind of life do you really want to live, cause I know I want to live a outwardly life that effects the world for the better. Even though I may not receive much in return, the emotional gratification that I helped out is more than enough.

I guess with this post I’m just letting you know, that songs are powerful. Emotions are powerful. Everything happens for a reason and you can always change your thinking on what is happening. Listen to some music, really think about what the author/artist is trying to get across. Critical thinking is a great tool to have in all of life. Just saying…

Ignorance is Blissful for the Ignorant

It’s no secret what technology has allowed, it has opened the flood gates of the people who do not know or understand a topic to post their thoughts and opinions on that matter. At one time, I do believe ignorance is bliss and I believe that it was taught and instilled by parents that if you don’t know or understand something, listen. But in modern day, the progression of getting your voice out there and the ability to hide behind a screen has allowed people who may not be ignorant about something, but simply uninformed to voice their opinions. I’m not saying it’s wrong to let your thoughts on a subject be known, by all means, let the world know what you think, but before you post, think. Think about what you’re saying, think if it even makes sense and especially if it is even right. It’s simple and can save you a lot of embarrassment if someone who actually knows what is going on responds to your post. You’ll be at a loss for words as that persons comments cut yours to the ground. The difference between an uniformed post and a thoughtful informed one is that the later has a leg to stand on. When you use facts instead of just feelings and ideas, you have a stronger hold on the conversation (unfortunately this doesn’t mean you’ll “win” the argument).

I’m not saying this to be mean or to demean anyone. That is not my intentions at all. I simply want to help people understand the importance of understanding a subject before they make a post and make a fool of themselves. Not to classify anyone, but I see this kind of ignorant attitude in todays youth. As a senior who had studied many reports on subjects and built my opinion based off of that, I often found myself being attacked verbally by an eighth grader who had read the title of the article. It was embarrassing, mainly because their tactics didn’t allow me to get in a word. I promise, I’m not writing this to belittle anyone, I’m simply attempting to tell you that it is very important to be informed on a subject before you enter in a conversation/argument about it. 

You know, I’m just going to say it… It frightens me. It frightens me seeing how many people think they know what they are talking about as they post comments on Facebook and Twitter about things. All they seem to do is read the title and create a complex theory based off of that. There are a few parts of that that disturb me, 1) don’t believe everything you read on the internet and 2) 99% of articles seem to be written from a certain view point. You can’t take those for fact when they are written with an opinion. Everyone has opinions, and sadly to completely understand a topic (speaking a political issue or financial issues) you have to read and take in as many articles as possible based off it. Half the time I wonder if these people that comment or respond to my comments in public even read the article or just read the title. The reason this disturbs me though is because that an uninformed, naive, and ignorant society surely can’t survive. “See no (insert issue), speak no (insert issue), hear no (insert issue)” doesn’t make the problem go away! Ignorance is defined as lack of knowledge or information. Naivety is defined as lack of experience, wisdom, and judgment. The issues isn’t the lack of information though, I believe the issues is that so many people to realize that knowledge and understanding, and the reading or listening that has to be done to understand something. When you close your mind, you allow issues that are very real to slip by. Then, it comes and slaps you in the face and you wonder what the heck happened… (Education for me, just squeaked by doing minimal work all though middle and high school, but now I realize the demanding work that is required to do well in College.) 

I love the quote by the one and only Ricky Gervais, “Ignorance is bliss… For the ignorant. For the rest of us it’s a pain in the butt.” (Now, I did make it G rated as Ricky has a mouth, but you get the idea). Being ignorant may be blissful for a time, but understand that people lose respect for you for several reasons. One, because no body likes a know it all, especially when they do not know it all. Two, if you talk like you know it, but what you say shows otherwise, then all that does is make them not enjoy talking to you, if you respond with a close minded “this is the way” answer, they will not want to talk to you. Three, they don’t feel like they can talk to you. When people respond with closed mindedness, my initial response is honestly, “why am I talking still”. Ignorance makes conversation extremely difficult. 

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the whole deal in Texas right now, where a young boy who is muslim showed up to school with a clock he made to show his teachers. 1) It wasn’t show and tell day… 2) It wasn’t actually a clock (it was a clock his father brought home from the Radio Shack he works at and the boy made it so it counted down) 3) The boy took it to school in a briefcase and used wires rather than locks to hold it shut… And so many people read the title, “Muslim boy arrested for bringing clock he made to school.” The teachers weren’t being racist, they were doing their job of protecting other students. They didn’t accuse him of anything, the first teacher asked him to keep it in his locker and not take it out until he headed home, so what’d he do? Took it into the next teacher who said the same thing. So, I’m not saying you’re one of those people, but before posting on something, get the facts first. Yes it’s good and American to have an opinion, but quite honestly, you shouldn’t have an opinion until you’ve read or heard and understand the real facts. Most people think that the news hides facts, and yes I am sure they do, but there’s more news agencies than just CNN News or Fox. Listen to a few talk shows like Glenn Beck and you’ll get news with facts so that your opinion can have a leg to stand on.

I suppose that this post has been a very long and winded way of saying, “Open your eyes, ears, heart, and mind!” (Imagine I’m yelling, unless you don’t like that, then imagine I’m speaking as softly as a butterfly). Society will surely die (not that dramatic but will surely struggle) as ignorance doesn’t allow progression. Listen and learn, obtain knowledge, and live a wonderful life full of interesting thoughts and ideas. Whether you want to accept it or not, the issues of life are there and very real, and they will come up to get you whether you acknowledge their existence or not. Oddly enough, one of the biggest issues I see, is ignorance, and this needs to be fixed. No more 12 year olds acting like they know everything and responding harshly to someone who has actually looked into and studied that subject. It’s hurtful, and it’s going to lead to issues as the people who know something aren’t going to be allowed to talk. So yeah, please, I beg of you, read, take in, and listen. Especially if you are not totally sure on stuff, even then, listen to what they have to say. Sure you win arguments when you don’t let them talk, but you lose companions or friends at the same time. So listen, who knows, they may have an idea you hadn’t thought about. I’m sorry if this is accusatory, I don’t mean it to be, I’m trying to shed light on the fact that ignorance can and will drive society into the ground. So I’m asking you, and I’m doing it too, to look into a story, get the facts, find the reality before creating and basing an opinion on the title of the article. Thanks for reading.

Happy is a yuppie word...

I am convinced, that happy is truly a yuppie word. Now, before you look at me like I’m crazy and I’m trying to be Dr. Seuss, understand this… Yuppie is a word, and it’s a pretty great adjective describing a person (for the fact that it sounds). Yuppie is defined as a well-paid young upper middle-class individual working in the city and living a luxurious lifestyle. So, now that you understand what “yuppie” means, I can begin to make my statement and describe to you why I truly believe that happy is a yuppie word. Although, maybe I will restate that, “happy is a word for the yuppie” makes a little more sense maybe… or not. At least it makes sense to me! And hopefully as I describe this, it might make sense to you too! Or… maybe not. Oh well.

When you think of happy, what’s the first thought that comes to mind? Usually, good memories, times spent with family, or your significant other or what not. That would be the typical answer when asked about happiness, for obvious reasons. Now think about joyous times? That’s a tad bit harder. There is barely a handful of times in my life that I can recall that I felt joy. Joy is an after thought, when you suffer with depression. Oddly enough, when you’re in a hole in life and suffering in the deep darkness of depression… all you want to feel is love and happiness. But honestly, looking back, the root was happiness. Or so I thought. Because I wanted to be happy with friends and family who cared. I wanted my old heart that was wrapped in a cast to be signed by those who cared. I sat their daily, begging for signatures as if I was holding a petition for something unruly, and all I seemed to get were noses stuck up at me. Happiness escaped me, along with joy and love, and all the emotions I once held dear. Being bullied and teased through middle and high school stunk. I’ve grown to believe that happiness isn’t an emotion it is simply a decision on what happened. We created this “emotion” per-say when in reality, happiness is more than likely thought based. A thought that we create about things. 

The creation of an emotion in a mind is easy except you don’t realize that the so called “emotion” is actually a creation. You see, so many people (like myself) have for so long created the perception of happiness that we just believe it to be real. But what if I told you that you can create a happy situation out of nearly everything? Seems crazy, yes, even I’ll admit that… I’m serious though. I honestly believe without a doubt that happiness is not a real emotion but a mental decision. When something happens, if you’re not really sure what you’re feeling, what is your response? I find typically, when something good happens but I’m not sure how I feel, I simply tell myself I feel happy. There’s not much else too it? Oddly enough, I think that because we say “I feel happy” makes it a conscious decision. When you have to make a conscious decision that you’re going to feel happy, that voids it from being an emotion. I’m not talking about when you are asked how you feel, I’m talking about when you sit there and question how you feel.

So, the other day I was talking to a friend (yes, I do have a friend outside my girlfriend) and they were talking about how things were going wrong. Now, I know that feeling, I have had my fair share of issues, but over time I’ve come to the realization that life is simply filled with choices. Now, I know that I’ve talked about this before but I guess I’m just talking about this more and more because I realize how important it is in life to understand this. Every scenario in life presents a decision, you can either take things with a grain of salt and understand that life is a journey and a lesson, or take it harshly and be bitter. Life if about choices, and I’ve begun to think and realize that happiness and sadness aren't so much feelings and emotions as they are about a decision. A very common thing I hear, and yes I’m guilty of this, is saying that “I hate my job” or “I hate… about my job”. I am highly guilty of this as I work a third shift job and it’s torture sometimes not getting much sleep. Well, I’ve come to realize how lucky I am to have a job. Sure I may not be making much, and I’m working odd hours and I find grapes in the diaper aisle or whole potatoes in the freezers and I become frustrated with people, I soon relax and realize how lucky I am to have a job. I somehow convince myself I’m happy to serve and take care of items people leave in the wrong aisles because maybe they can’t afford it anymore. It’s unfortunate they leave it there, but hey, gives me something to do and humors me sometimes (I found a large watermelon on the top shelf of the chips… like, how??) Anyways, life is based off of decisions that we have in life, we always make decisions, and so often times we as humans make the easy decision about our feelings on something. If it’s good, we are happy! If it’s bad, we are sad. Yes, simplistic, but lets try this, to make life a little more enjoyable, and I’m working on this too, when life hits a bumpy patch, somehow find happiness. Find a reason to be happy. 

You know… I have come to the conclusion as well that there are rainbows everywhere. Whether or not a storm came through, there’s a rainbow. The thing is, rainbows are simply water particles being reflected, so who’s to say that we are just not at the right angle to see a rainbow? I truly think there are rainbows everywhere, and if you fail to see one, try changing your perspective.

I’m putting this out there as a helpful tool for everyone. If you don’t agree that happiness is a conscious choice, great, believe what you believe. But, I do think it’s about a decision more so than a feeling. I believe it, and I’m working to change the way I perceive life. If I’m to be quite honest, my life has taken a drastic turn to the positive since I’ve been seeing things through rose tinted glasses. Yes, I still feel like a lot of times life is bad, but, the good times are a lot better now. So, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Trying to Make Aretha Franklin Proud.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (sorry, I couldn't help myself...)

Respect. The universal language of “you matter to me”, or “you mean something to me”, or really, “you’re another person and I care”… If you think this is false, then think again. It seems like 99% of relationships (strong lasting ones) are built out of respect for each other. When you look at a person, and say “I value your opinion”. Yes you may think they’re wrong on somethings, but you value their opinion which means you value them. Make sense? Too often today, with the rise of social media, people share their opinions and just get lambasted in the comments for what they have to say. We have no respect for each other face to face because we’ve grown up with no respect for the person on the other side of social media. We view our opinions and our ideals as holy word, and any other person who doesn’t fit this is will be scrutinized or treated with no respect. 

I’ve seen it all too many times. Siblings torn apart because a lack of respect for each others social life’s. Married or dating couples losing respect for each other which entails a falling out due to lack of trust as well. If you can’t respect a person and their decisions, how can you trust them. See, when you don’t have respect for someone you love (family member or significant other) then you try to control their lives because you think you know what’s best for them. Well, it’s time to sit down and think. Who knows what is best for someone? That person. You can’t control them because it’s their life and their choices, not yours. Yeah, you may not agree with them, or you think they’re crazy for it, but instead of bashing them and making them feel horrible for it… Try respecting them. Because burning bridges by disrespecting is the worst way to lose people who are close to you. When you disrespect someone, and that bridge is burned, that leaves a very sour taste in the persons mouth. The likelihood of them wanting anything to do with you is slim to none. 

See, this isn’t holding a grudge though. When you are disrespected, it’s more a psychological response that happens than an emotional one. Being disrespected hurts more and causes many people to close their walls. Kind of like me. Majority of my life it seems, at least through middle school and high school, I had things to say that I thought were important. Well, my “friends” would shut me up or ignore me. Very few if any really listened to me. So you know what? I learned to be quiet since it seemed like no one cared or respected my thoughts. Now that I’ve started this blog, and I’ve opened up more to my girlfriend, she and a few others, and they all seem to enjoy what I have to say to some extent I think. I really appreciate it, and it really helps my confidence when I hear people comment on how good my writing is. Similarly, when you show respect and kindness to someone, you boost their confidence and help them accomplish more.

Respect does go two ways, and sadly, the term “if you want respect you have to give respect” really doesn’t work out sometimes. You can give all the respect you can for someone and they’ll still look down on you. You have to earn it as well as give it. 

Respect goes a long way. So really, even if you don't agree with their choice, tell them in a respectful manner. If they still don't agree, then accept that they're making a decision based off of THEIR life anyways. Respect is useful and helpful in so many ways... Thanks for reading. Sorry this post is rather short, just started classes, looking forward to using what I learn in my Sociology class to help create some great posts!

4am thoughts...

So the other night I fell asleep at a reasonable hour, approximately 11:50, well, I woke up at 12:35 in the morning. Well, needless to say, as you can tell in the title, I didn't fall asleep for a while. I finally did around 6:30. Anyways, I spent all night either reading, surfing the web, listening to mental music, studying some more psychology... Then around 4 am I opened up the pages app on my Mac, and just started typing. To be honest, it was one of those out of mind, out of body experiences. I just typed. If it came to mind it wen on the page. So here it is... My thoughts at 4 am...

Everybody wants something. One common theme in everyone’s meme is that we all want love, knowledge, power, and to be right. It’s natural for people to want one of those three, but more often than not, they want all of them. What is it about these four “basic” concepts that every person strives for. Yes there are other principals outside of these four that many people want, like money, profitability, to be famous… Breaking it all down though, everything you could want or dream of, can be broken down until it fits into one of the four.

LOVE: everybody wants to be loved, but so many people are scared to love. It’s the sad truth that there are people/couples where love only seems to go one way. How unfortunate that would be, to date or marry someone who you thought was your significant other to realize that they don’t feel nor will the respond to you with love. Anyways, this idea of love, what’s so great about it? Everyone just wants it, everybody who does’t already have it that is. Love is the quintessential antidote to loneliness. We have this preconceived idea that if we are loved we will no longer feel lonely. The sad truth is that, no matter how much love you feel, there will always be a sense of loneliness. If you don’t return that love, that person isn’t going to keep giving it. You’ll find out very quickly that people are quite fickle. We do have things we hang on to, but if it’s not beneficial, then we will leave it. So really, everyone wants to be loved. It’s one of the four things that made my list. It’s such a basic idea, but it’s complex in reality. Love hurts, love is doing something you hate for someone. Love is sticking through every challenge with someone. If they won’t go through difficulties and come out saying they love you, then sadly they aren’t the one. On the flip side, if they face the trials and difficulties of life with you, and you both come out of it saying how much you love each other and how much you both grew as a result, then it’s possible that they are a keeper. Love is a two way street, you can’t take and not give. If you just take, you’re not going to be getting much in return. I like this idea, it’s simple in theory but difficult in practice… Give 75% and expect 25%. Give more and expect less. If your significant other or your best friend and you both employ this idea in your lives, then you’ll both be so happy when you receive more than you were expecting, and you’ll feel great about giving more than they expected. Joy levels and happiness in that relationship will rise.

KNOWLEDGE: this one is a tough one. I know people who have this overwhelming thirst for knowledge. They want to know everything they can in their lifetime, and all I have to say to them is… “good luck.” See, I’ve grown up with the world at my fingertips. If I’m curious about something I can type it in on google and it’ll give me an answer. This process of receiving instead of searching has caused my generation to not have the interest in retaining information. Why fill your brain with amazing information when you can pull it up easy at any moment? Oh, I don’t know, because being knowledgeable is an amazing thing. How great is it to know and understand how the world works. I sometimes envy these people that have this insane thirst for knowledge. My girlfriend is one of them… You know what I realized though? Everyone has a thirst of knowledge, just have to find the key to unlock it. My dream is to hold quizzical and deeply informational conversations with her someday as my wife. You know what I’ve finally realized though? After being forced to read and deal with something I hated for years, I’ve come to realize that reading is the life blood of knowledge. It is the quickest way to obtain knowledge about things less known. Back as a Junior, my english teacher said something that was funny at the time, but now I’ve come to realize the shear importance of it. A student asked him, jokingly of course, “do we have to read the book or can I watch the movie?” For me this seemed like a fair question, I hated reading at the time. I despised the simple idea of having to pick up a book. His response was humorous, but it took years to really set in… “Sure, absorb someone else’s imagination instead of using your own.” Finally, after years, the profundity of that simple sentence broke me. I realize after hearing about the astounding personal libraries of the worlds greatest CEO’s and other influential people on today’s society. I have come to grips that, I too have this thirst for knowledge, and simply put, the answer to that is reading. I prefer biography sorts. Learning from the lives of the greatest humans I know. If you want knowledge, you don’t have to fry your brain studying, just start reading. My proudest achievement will someday have custom bookshelves made and filled in my house. I guess my goal is to be as eclectic or cultured as possible. I hope to someday be such an avid reader I can just devour books. 

POWER: everybody wants to be powerful. You may be sitting there saying, nah, I’m ok where I’m at in the passengers seat, but let’s be real. Pretty much everyone likes to be in charge of something. No matter what, there is always that one area in your life that you can’t give up control. You believe that every other person is inferior and that only you know what you’re doing. For me, that’s finances and bowling. It’s a simple theory really, except for the greats like Jim Cramer, Josh Brown, and really the highly acclaimed professionals in the business, I think that everyone else doesn’t have a clue what they are doing. It pains me to sit there and listen to someone who doesn’t get it, and it’s even worse when they don’t let me talk. I like the idea of being in control and being powerful in this regard. Not always does wanting power mean that you know what’s best. Sometimes, you just want power. You’re sick of being pushed around. You’re tired of everyone treating you like crap. You want to move out and be the real owner of your life. So, I mean really, everybody wants power. Everybody wants to be listen to and respected mainly, but you can always work it back to the simple idea of having power.

TO BE RIGHT: who likes being wrong? No one… There’s moments that you may wish you’re wrong when you’re making a guess about a particular situation, but when you find out you’re right your ego grows just that tiny bit. Got a hundred percent on a test? Ego grows. It’s a simple equation, it seems like everyone is full of themselves in some way. Even though I may say I hate being right, I hate being wrong even more. It’s important to realize that being wrong happens, making mistakes happen. It’s part of being human. I’m not some alien, I’m going to be wrong. I don’t have the expanses of human knowledge preloaded in my brain, I’m going to make mistakes. I’m emotional, I’ve got a faulty mind. It’s human error. Everyone surfers from it. Being wrong makes you human. I really hate being wrong about stuff, and I’m sure there is plenty of the population out there with me. I’m working on understanding I can’t always be right, as much as I want to be, it’s just not human!

So yeah, everybody wants at least one of these… Many people want all of them I’m sure (guilty is charged). There is nothing wrong with it, as long as you remember what is important in life. Sharing a special love between you and one person (doesn't mean you can't love more people, but there has to be one special love in your life)… Gain knowledge but don’t forget who you are… Being strong and powerful, but ruling with a caring nature and do good with that power… You’ll be right sometimes, you’ll be wrong sometimes, it’s all a part of being human… Most of all, live life to its fullest, don’t waste it away on things not of value to you, but don’t undermine it as it may be of value to someone else. We are here for a reason, find your own reason. You were custom made, and your life is designed specifically with you in mind. Your friends and loves are different, but they are there to help you. So yeah, there are my 4 am thoughts from August 25th. I hope you enjoyed… I just wish I knew how to get some sleep!

Anxiety...

Hello readers. This post is kind of a difficult thing for me to let out. For several years I’ve struggled with something that I don’t often share just because of how society responds to it. I have very high anxiety issues. Now, I’ve kind of grown a distaste when I hear people talk about their anxiety issues… So I thought I’d kind of write this and explain what anxiety is, what anxiety attacks feel like, and how you can help someone who’s in an anxiety attack…

So, what is anxiety. Often times, due to misuse by so many, anxiety has been the replacement word for fear. This is extremely unfortunate because so many people now say they have anxiety issues/disorder, when in reality they are just fearful of a thing, they have a phobia of it. Anxiety is a little more difficult than a fear. Fear, gives you butterflies, puts a lump in your throat, gives you cold sweat… Anxiety puts you in the fetal position, ties your intestines in knots, makes you burning hot then freezing cold, basically makes you question if you are still alive. It’s kind of sad when I talk to people and they tell me how bad their anxieties are, and I ask them to explain what’s going on and they basically tell me a fear about something and they don’t know what to do. Meanwhile, I sit there, thinking they are feeling like death due to anxiety. I understand  anxiety comes in different forms and different levels, but the general consensus is the same, fear is nearly all mental with little physical, while anxiety is the mind causing the body to malfunction. It’s a scary thing going through an anxiety attack, and isn’t easy, and it’s very sad to watch someone helplessly lay there in so much pain and you can’t do anything. Just ask my girlfriend, she’s never seen first hand an anxiety attack, but she’s heard it over the phone…

I’m sure you’re wondering what an anxiety attack feels like. Well, everyone experiences it differently but the outcome is the same. I like to describe it as this. You’re walking along, with a friend, and you run into a wall. Your friend however keeps going, you lean your head against the wall, begging for help. All your friend says is “come on, there is no wall, you just think there is a wall. Get over here or I’m leaving.” Well, there is a wall for the person with anxiety, and sadly, it really can come out of nowhere. You stand there, and then drop to your knees. Unable to move. You’re body starts shaking, you begin to hyperventilate. Your heart makes an attempt to beat out of your chest, or it decides to skip a beat, either way you feel like your heart is dying. You curl into a ball, crying, unable to move past this wall that is apparently not there for anyone else. Seeing that, feeling alone, makes it worse. The anxiety about facing people turns worse as you start to think you’re some kind of freak and no one will talk to you. You really do feel like you’re left for dead.

You feel like you’re dying and you’re not going to make it, that is, unless someone stays with you. It’s quite simple. If you are having an anxiety attack, having someone support you and stay with you helps. And really, if someone with anxiety asks you to do something for them in public, like ordering food even, just do it. Don’t question them, just do it. Answer the same question no matter how many times they ask you it. Being loving towards someone with anxiety does wonders, you try to help them face it. Anxiety isn’t a fear, fear can be overcome by facing it, but anxiety requires a rewiring of the brain. Don't try to get them to face it, just do it with them or do it for them. It may be stupid to you, but it does wonders for the person dying of anxiety. 

Hope this cleared the air a little and I hope this gave you some form of insight into the idea of anxiety. I didn’t try to explain what triggers it, because I really don’t know what does. Like I said, it just happens. Sometimes there’s a triggers, sometimes our minds are a ticking time bomb. We over think, and increase our anxiety because we are so fearful of outcomes from making the wrong decision. Just be there with them, or do it for them. Don’t push them to do it… Please. That just increases the anxiety because now they’re worrying about failing and disappointing you.

Driven to Live Fully

What drives you? What do you enjoy about life? What makes you want to be the best that you can be? Everyone struggles through life, and I aways liked the saying, “Life’s a beautiful struggle, forget the struggle and find the beauty.” But, each and every person has a different standard of beauty, and each and every person struggles through their own issues. Maybe you’re like me, you battle demons of the mind. You fight your inhibitions, fears, doubts, and anxieties. The challenge in life for me is to push through the pain and fear of failing and try. Basically, in this post I’ll talk about some common things I’m trying to follow to live a happier and more satisfying life… I hope you enjoy.

Everything in life is meant to challenge you and make you strive to be better. If you go into a scenario or a part of life with the assumption you’re going to learn something from it, 9 times out of 10 you’ll learn something. Everything that happens in life is a lesson, teaching us for the next time that scenario will come around, or teaching us ways to deal with other problems that may arise. The first step in enjoying and taking over your life is to start understanding the theory that everything in life is a test and you can take a lesson out of it. This is one part of life that I definitely feel like I’ve come to grasps with. Everything happens for a reason and typically that reason is to teach you a lesson of some sort. I like the idea my golf coach told me at one time. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” If you think you can take a lesson out of something, you will. It’s all about the mind and how you perceive every scenario in life.

The other thing that you can do in life, is take every difficulty and use it to your advantage. Take the difficulty in step, and enjoy it. In theatre, they often say to actors, “use the disadvantage.” It comes from the little story of an actor during rehearsal, he says to his director he can’t get on stage because there is a chair in his way. The director responds, “Use the difficulty. If it’s a drama, pick it up and smash it on the ground. If it’s a comedy, fall over it.” I read this statement and kind of fallen in love with it. I haven’t done plays in quite a few years, and even when I was I never heard this… But now that I have, I love it. Everyone has a disadvantage/difficulty, use it. Every scenario has a difficulty, so whatever you’re in, treat that difficult with the type of play you want to live. If you love humor, treat that difficulty with humor until you’re past it. If you’ve got some type of mental illness, like anxiety, use it to express tremendous amounts of love by always making an effort to talk to them because your anxiety makes it difficult for you when you’re not talking. (I’m in that category for sure.) No matter what difficulty you face, there is always a way around it, or a way to enjoy it.

So there are a few ways that I specifically have been working on doing. I hope you found these helpful in your life. Life is a lesson, enjoy it, all of it. 

Forgive and forget.

So, we all know that we are supposed to forgive the ones who hurt us, I mean Jesus said to forgive them 7 times 70 (which would be 490 times). The thing is there should be no limit as to how many times you forgive someone. People matter, and people make mistakes. Don't burn a bridge just because someone hurt you or did someone that you don't like. I'm not going to write this using scripture to back up the theory that we need to forgive and forget, I'm going to write this to help people understand how dangerous and how painful it is to hold a grudge.

So, someone has hurt you in some form or another. If they apologized great, if they didn't, face them and tell them they hurt you and let them know what happened. I feel like people today have people become so numb to their own actions that they never realize they hurt someone. It's the sad fact in life, when you can post a comment or a tweet and indirectly have it hurt someone. It could be about something totally different, but it still hurt. I'm sure everyone's been hurt by a post or something like it. It's becoming a common theme as more and more people have started to open up behind the keys of a message board.

When someone asks for forgiveness or apologizes, they are admitting they did wrong. It takes guts to admit that you messed up, to face the music, so don't take it lightly when someone finally asks you for forgiveness or says they're sorry for something they did. Accept the apology, say it's ok and you forgive them. Let them know you're not mad and you're not going to hold it above their heads, dangling from a string that at the next mistake they make it snaps. It's not healthy to hold a grudge. Holding grudges doesn't just hurt that other person, it hurts you and your reputation. People see you holding a grudge and they're not going to want to cross paths with you. The other fact is that often times, holding a grudge can and will burn bridges, bridges that may be very helpful in the future when you're stuck in a predicament and can't really get out. What's the point of tying that ball and chain of pain around your ankle? There's no point in doing that. Life is meant to be lived and loved. You're not meant to sit there being annoyed by someones very existence.

It's not healthy nor enjoyable to you or the people around you when the mention of someones name makes you bitter. Enjoy the times, let go of the pain, and live life to its fullest. If someone leaves you because they're mad at you? Let them. The fact that someone fails to let go of things should tell you they'll always hold anything you mess up on over your head. Trust me, if you've not already dealt with someone like this, it is not enjoyable.

I've had plenty of people hate me, I've gone to them and apologized for what I supposedly did to them. Yet, they still wish I was dead. Sadly, not everyone has the ability to move on. So, just be careful when you're going to be around people you know don't like you. If they won't forgive you, don't pester them, just hope and pray that someday they'll actually forgive you.

That's all for now... Kind of lost where I was going, turned into a rant more than anything I guess. Hope you enjoyed and got something of this. Please don't hold grudges, spare yourself and everyone around you that burden.

Respectful men.

So, as I mentioned before I had spent some time in Chicago at a National Youth Bowling tournament. While I was there I had the opportunity to meet and speak with many guys my own age, and sadly I kind of wish I hadn't talked to them. I was very disappointed the way they talked about life, how they were "knocking up" girls, or getting high and getting wasted while on this trip. It actually made me mad to be a teenage male. I was disgusted with the way these boys treat women, they treat them like they are objects and they don't understand that these women have hearts, souls, and minds. Great minds too.

You see, in today's society so many boys think it's a lofty prize to have slept with a girl, and so many brag about how many girls they've slept with. It is just horrible to think what these guys do or even how their minds can blow off what they do. They seem to not care at all that the girl they are messing with is another human. Sadly so many young adult men have objectified women. It's a sad truth. We (the male population) need a revival. It starts with this generation who's about to be married and having kids, the men of that generation need to step up and be responsible fathers and responsible men most of all. 1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, Godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." I feel like some boys who heard this verse only heard "Pursue love." Unfortunately for them, He doesn't even mean making love with anyone, God means specifically falling in love with a girl. Being a rock to her and helping her live in faith.

I understand that majority to all those guys were not christians, but you know what? Society is so messed up and I'm not saying this as a christian but as a man they should be more respectful of women. Like I said, I was extremely disappointed when I heard a few boys bragging about how many girls they slept with while in Chicago for the 5 or so days. One of the buys even said to me, "Got this one girl to sleep with me last night dude, it is great, don't know her name and I haven't seen her since!" Fortunately another guy who had the same feelings I did pulled me over to talk because I was about do something I'd regret. I don't understand, nor will I ever stand where boys think they have a right to objectify women. That is the least manly characteristic I've ever seen, but the only way I know to combat it is raise my future son right. Raise him to be a proper man. I need to also respectfully respond to boys I hear talking like that, unfortunately I struggle with that as my girlfriend points out to me... "Violence is not the answer Tucker." Is a line I hear too many times. I get very frustrated and angry when I hear conversation like I heard in Chicago.

So, I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Men, raise your sons right, raise them to be real men of class and not "swag masters" who do not understand showing respect. Girls, I hope you find a fine respectful man. I also hope you help him raise the next generation of young men so that maybe we can stop the fall of society. I hope this helps you understand, I am challenging all who read this, and I'm challenging myself all the time as well to be the man I want my daughter to marry. This may sound really odd, but when you enter a relationship, treat her like you'd like your future daughters boyfriend to treat her. It's difficult sometimes, but know that she is important to someone. Hope you enjoyed my little explosion on disrespectful boys. Hope this doesn't offend any one.

Aggression isn't the best response...

I am sorry for the delay, I got back from bowling the Junior Gold National Championships in Chicago and I finally am feeling 100% from that. My girlfriend challenged me (more like asked me to) write a blog post on the topic of homosexuality and the gay marriage rights. First off, I want to make it completely clear that I am absolutely against gay marriage. I do not support the idea of marriage because marriage was something created by God to be between husband and wife, man and woman. So living as a christian, I do not believe it is correct or should be allowed that a marriage could be between a man and man, or woman and woman. Though I despise this sin and the actions of many people, I still love the persons who are gay, or bi, or transgender. I believe if Christ were alive today, he'd love them with all his heart, and show them the grace of God.

Growing up I learned quickly that yelling and beating something into a person seems to rarely if ever work. Showing love, compassion, sharing in a deep conversation allows both parties to really understand each other. Sure, in like sports a coach yelling at someone to do it works, but that is when you're pumped up with adrenaline and you understand the coach is in charge. In everyday life, sitting down, talking over coffee or tea, can do wonders. Not be aggressive with them, not belittle their thinking, but listening and trying to understand what they've gone through. Share the love that God gave you. My pastor was talking about the Issachar tribe, and what it means to live in the times but live like christian's in today's insane world. I really liked something he said, it struck a cord with me because I've never liked how churches seem to handle it the situations. He said, "Society has pressed the mute button on the church because they have seen quick aggressive responses and want none of that. They've yet to sit and listen to our thoughtful responses." This really hit me, because all too often the church and christian's alike seem to just attack and beat the word of God into sinners. Growing up having that done to me, I realize how ineffective that method is. It is really best to express love, and show them that God is good. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've used no scripture references throughout this post. That's because as christian's, we need to be aware of our actions and how they reflect the likeness of God and Christ. We were created in his likeness, so that when we are reborn through him, we will carry out good deeds to the world and live as lights and a blackened world. We want to be the hands and feet of God, do his work in the world. This isn't' anything new. The moment you ask God for forgiveness, he asks you to save his people. I mean, for the longest time every kid had a bracelet, WWJD? What would Jesus do. So, what would he? In light of recent events, I personally believe that Jesus would love. He'd tell them about God, let them know the grace of God through his many parables. Jesus loved. He loved all, you think he didn't? So many christian's don't want to get down and dirty working with everyday sinners. Jesus' disciples, the 12 men he spent the most time with, were tax collectors (hated people), fishermen, and some we are unsure what they did. Jesus spent time teaching to sinners along with saints. He hung around lepers, people who were cast out of the city. If you're a christian, and trying to live like Christ. Why do you hide behind church doors throwing scripture at every sinner who walked by? Be honest, don't you think Jesus would be out loving His brothers and sisters?

My apologies for kind of going off. I'm not a fan of how "aggressive" the church is. Too busy worrying about being contaminated. I read this story, a church heard that a LGBT group was going to protest across the street from them, and what the church did shocked everybody (unfortunately). They set up tents, put out food and drinks for the protesters. I just imagine the scene, members of the LGBT yelling at the church congregation, and they simply respond, "Are you thirsty? Been yelling for a while. Here is some water." As they hand them a bottle of water. In the midst of being yelled at, they showed love and compassion to the protesters. Now that is love. Fighting fire with fire never seems to work. Show love and compassion, let God's work and will be done.

I hope you enjoyed. I'm sorry if this post offended anyone.

Christian Fathers.

           A father is meant to be a rock, the firm foundation upon which a family can stand. He should be a light towards God using his actions, but also should have the tongue of God in his mouth. Teaching and sharing the word of the Lord with his family as well as sharing the good news to others. The issue is, that in today’s society, fathers and father figures are lacking in life. So many men have fallen short of the glory of God. So many men are blinded by self-righteousness and they forget the duties they signed up for when giving their lives to God. A father’s first order of business is to show his family the goodness of God. For we are all created in God’s likeness, and though we all fall short of the glory that is God, we all work to be as like him as possible.

           Fathers (and mothers) are the first people a new child ever get to know. They are the people who have the most influence upon the child. They are the first people given the opportunity to show Christ to this child. Sadly many fathers and mothers fall short of the glory of God, and forget what scripture has to say. So many people read the Book and live it in their own twisted utopias, very few read what others have to say, then compare that to scripture. Living a Godly life is not easy, so many daily struggles test your patience, but it’s about time father’s start stepping up. Time has sped up, boys seem to be “men” in physical stature earlier than ever, the thing is, too many of these “men” have failed to become scriptural men. It’s my prayer that the light of the Lord be shown to them, so that before they become fathers, they might understand what it means to be a Godly man. Because you must be a Godly man before you can be a Godly husband or father. I will cover Godly men another day, but for now, I wish to focus on the aspect of a Godly father. Over my nearly nineteen years living on earth, I can’t remember having that Godly of a father figure. Sure he took the family to church, he read his little devotional in the morning before starting the day… In reality though, he made me want to push God away. I wanted nothing to do with God if that was what it meant to be a Godly person. So many times, my father would pray before heading out on a road trip, and the first person to cut him off would cause my dad to go into a fit. He loved to say “waste of a life”. That stamped in me for the longest time the wrong picture of a Christian. I had this idea that as long as you prayed, went to church, and read the Bible you were saved. Ignorant old me didn’t like that, I wanted something that I had to put effort into, I wanted to earn. So by the age of the ten I’d read through the Bible a couple times. I wanted to understand it in every way possible. And after reading and reading, I began to understand something that haunts me. I didn’t have a Biblical father. In the long run I’ve come to understand and I’ve come to grips with it. Because I do have THE Biblical father, I have God as my father.

           So what does the Bible say about being a biblical father? Well, first of all, I’d like to start with a short and simple verse. To be a father, you must have to have a child… How it works. Well, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This is the perfect place to start, a father isn’t supposed to control their child’s life. He’s meant to be the first spiritual guide in their life. A father should guide, and train their child in the way of the Lord and trust that their child will live the way of the Lord. When a father to controls and micromanages a child’s life, they tend to become so upset with their father because when they become of age, when they reach sixteen or eighteen, they will feel called by God to walk their own path. Father’s should not be provoking their children to anger, they need to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). I know your first comment, “They should suck it up since it says Honor your father and mother”, yes, but just before that last passage, verses 1-4 say “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Notice something in the few passages I’ve shared so far, nowhere does it say protect them so that no harm ever comes to them. That’s not found anywhere, because that’s not what God asks of fathers. It does say in Proverbs 14:26 “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” A father must fear the Lord, he must show his family kindness and love. He shouldn’t anger them, or provoke them He is supposed to be the light to God, and supply a fortress for the cruelties of the world. A father should guide and teach, not control. He should listen and care, not force his ways. Simply put, a father should love his wife, and his family, as God loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Did God control them so that they were never hurt by things of the world? No, he guided them, taught them, and when they got hurt, he provided a fortress for them to retreat to.

Forcing something down someone’s throat never works. It’s human nature to fight when being forced. A father can only teach and guide God’s will. For their children are free souls who are lost and searching for a home. A father’s job is to help their child’s soul find a place in God. Controlling will only make it worse. To finish, I’d like to share one more passage that really sums up the point I’m trying to get across, 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” A father sends his child out, encourages them, and charges them. A father does not control, or force them to live his ways, trying to force his ideals upon his child. He should teach and show, but forcing will only hurt the relationship between the father and child, and I have had seen this first hand. I intend to practice teaching and guiding when I become a father, if that be God’s will. I hope I’m able to raise them to be God fearing souls, but I know that I can’t force them, I can only show them the love and grace that God’s shown me by saving my life. Thank you, God bless.

The Fear.

"I've been worrying, that my time is a little unclear. I've been worrying, that I'm losing the ones I hold dear. I've been worrying that we all, live our lives in the confines of fear." These poetic words are from the amazing song "The Fear" by singer song writer Ben Howard. I have loved this song for the longest time, ever since I first heard it. Everybody has that song that they just connect to, I mean, that's what music is for, to express feelings that just can't be described in simple words. Feelings that need a poetic feel with great rhythm and harmony. Only thing will this feelings be properly displayed. Well, I love this song for one main reason, I live in fear. I battle fear, I always have and I probably always will. It's a constant fear, living in the anxiety and fear. I know first hand what it can do to a person. I struggle constantly, but I am working on being better. Fear shouldn't control us, fear should help us, but not control us. I always liked the quote, "If you don't like the way things are, then change them." No matter what situation you're in, no matter how bad it is, you can always change it. Whether it be how you perceive the challenge, or if you just face it and get it over with. You can always change it. All it takes is 20 seconds of courage, and I promise good things will happen. (Taken from the great movie, We Bought A Zoo). So, go out and fix it, good things don't come to those who just wait, good things come to those who go make it happen. Start working, as I am, on overcoming fears and doubts and anxieties.

Constantly worrying, living in fear, plagued by questions of doubt and pain... It's all something that I'm sure a lot of people battle with. It's a battle of the mind and the heart. It's something that feels so beyond our control, but the truth is we all have the capability of overcoming fears and doubts and pains. We have people who love us and care about us, simply talking to them, asking for support can help over come that fear, or whatever it is that plagues you. No one can beat it on there own.

Everyone seems to prefer a different type of support to over come that fear though, you just need to know what people want and also know what you like to hear from people. For some, you need a motivational boost to overcome. You need that song, that youtube video or whatever it is that gets you amped up and ready to go. Others seem to just need support, they need to know you're there for them, just talking to them even if it has nothing to do what the problem is. They'll truly appreciate you just being there. So take the time to know what kind of support you need to face that fear, or to settle you down from that anxiety attack, after all, "no man is an island."

Fear can be found everywhere, there's different levels of fear and there are a too many reasons to count. Just know that something that everyone has their own fears, you can't control them, and you really can't just tell them to get over it. Fear has roots, dig to the roots, find the cause, then work it all out of the ground. It takes time, but would you prefer to continually have that fear, or would you like to rip it out of the ground and no longer have that fear? I know that I'd love to just rip out my fears and doubts, but guess what, it takes time. It may not be enjoyable, and they may make you want to leave them till they are better, but it really is best to stay and help them.

Knowing you have someone there is key, and I know you're both reading this so thank you for being there. I know I'm a pest and it can't be too enjoyable being around me or listening to me when I'm having the anxiety attack or am in so much fear, but you've never left and I don't think you ever will. So thank you so much. I'm very sorry for all I've put you two through.

So there's my take on fear and anxiety I guess. Everyone deals with it in someway shape or form. For many like me, it seems to be a consistent and constant battle within yourself. Be there for them, they need you. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Nothing

Nothing is truly something. This blog post will probably be short, and to be honest, may not be that amazing because after all, I'm attempting to write about nothing. But, nothing isn't really in my mind. "What's wrong?" "Nothing..." Is typically (like 99.99% of the time) a lie. There's always some form of pain, always some kind of issue, so really, nothing is usually something. Why do we think we can hide behind this facade of nothing which isn't even there. Something must be the matter, sure you may not know what the issue is now but what's the point of hiding? Really, there is no point... That emotion and pain will come out eventually so why hold it in the box of "nothing".

In a previous post I talked about how making a conscious decision can have a positive influence on how your day plays out. Use the idea of nothing to your advantage for that. When disappointment arises typically the fault is that you expected too much of something. To combat that, I try to expect little to nothing out of situations, sure it sounds kind of sad... But when something great happens and my expectations were so minimal, I have an overwhelming sense of happiness! It's so amazing to see something great happen when you only expected ok things.

Nothing is always something, but nothing will help you make something of every situation. Sorry for such a short post, hopefully I can come up with a better topic next week. Thanks for reading.

Public Displays...

When in a committed relationship with a single person, it is common for them to hold hands, hug, put their arm around the other, and maybe kiss if they feel comfortable doing that. To be honest, couples should decide on how physical they will get. Physicality in a relationship is far from uncommon, but it is vital that you respect your partners boundaries. Respect is truly what it boils down to.

It is very important that the two partners sit and converse on such an issue. If you pressure someone into doing something they don't want to do, what usually happens? They break, they become upset, they get offensive towards their partner. All of these are unhealthy in a relationship and can be avoided by just respecting each others boundaries. Boundaries are there for a reason, they let the other know where you are comfortable. Do not be afraid to share with your partner your concern and your boundaries, and be sure you listen attentively to your partners. Everyone wants to be heard, but a lot of times no one cares to listen. Take the time, it may save you a lot of pain and baggage in the future. Majority of baggage from a relationship is going too quickly or too far physically when you really didn't want to. Save yourself, and your partner just in case you two split. If it works out and you're married, you've got your whole lives to do things. May be kind of awkward talking/reading about this, but seriously people, save that all for marriage! Dating and engagement periods are meant to get to know that person on a deeper emotional and mental level. Marriage is when the true physical connection should happen. Spend time talking to your partner when in a relationship/dating/engaged. Get to know them as well as possible, see if you could really handle living with them in the future, get an idea of what they are like in every possible scenario, but save yourself's the possible pain and baggage of more than mental and emotional ties. Because somethings, like physical attachment, can never be repaired or forgotten.

RESPECT! It goes a long way. The childish answer of "He doesn't respect me so why should I respect him!" is just that... Childish. A mature person understands that receiving respect requires showing respect to others. So when it comes to setting boundaries, respect is absolutely necessary. Respect your partner, do not push for more than what they are willing to give you. If you show them respect in this category, they will certainly show respect for you in other categories. Too many people look at a relationship as give and take 50% each... I want to live my relationship(s) as more, I'll give 75% and expect 25% in return. Because guess what? When you both expect 25% from your partner, but give each other 75% you will both be pleasantly surprised when you receive 75% instead of 25%. Make sense? I hope so... If not, just understand that when you give more and expect less and your partner does the same, everyone is happy. Happiness, joy, caring, and true love can be so important in a relationship. So when talking about physicality with your partner, respect that boundary, show them, prove to them that you will not cross their boundary. Give them your total focus, and don't push it. Respecting each other leads to big things in a relationship.

So, I suppose you're wondering what my boundaries are. When I look at the spectrum of "decent" to not so decent things... I'd say I will honestly do what my partner wishes to a point. I find no problem in holding hands, because, as the amazing and brilliant Topanga Lawrence said in my favorite show "Boy Meets World"... "Holding hands is like touching souls". So really, such an innocent and simple thing like holding hands can be amazing. I personally see no issue in holding hands, hugging, linked arms... Minor touching is no big deal to me, as long as it is only with your partner and nobody else. Kissing is different, shouldn't be done till both parties are ready. Many people wait to kiss on their wedding day, good for them. Everyone is different, each person has their own standards. So I will respect my eventual partners boundaries and I will not take more than they will give. I respect them, and in turn I believe they'll respect me.

So sit down with them, do it somewhere private it, and try to keep the awkwardness down. Be mature, be respectful. I promise good things will happen. Thank you so much for reading, hope you found this insightful and possibly helpful.

More Than "Friends"...

This basic idea that is so misconstrued by society, the idea of being in a relationship and dating is something that is important to me. I have very set ideas about being in a relationship and I know that society nowadays differs from my view. Being in a relationship is not just something to do so you can have the “right” to call someone yours. A deeper relationship than friends is a chance to connect with someone on levels that friends just can’t have, you’ll get to learn about that person, you’ll find out what makes them tick, learn what really makes them who they are.

I feel as though people these days miss the main idea of being in a relationship, it seems like all they care about is having that title and having bragging rights of having someone. Why is that such a big deal? That is someone’s heart you’re playing with, and even though you may only care about having the ability to say that you “got someone” they may truly care about the relationship. This is where so many people get hurt, they don’t talk about what they want in the relationship before entering it. Make your ideals known, let that “special” person know what you want/need in a relationship. Enter a relationship with a purpose, not just because you can.

I would also like to share my idea of the purpose of being in a relationship and dating. In my eyes, the main purpose is to get to know someone on a deeper level than friends. Yes, you can get to know someone as friends, you can learn and see if you two connect, but being in a relationship will allow you to see deeper into their heart. It will give you a chance to connect on a deeper, more emotionally intimate level. I personally believe that a relationship or dating is a chance to see and get a feel if that person is the one you’d be willing to spend your life with. Starting out slow, just getting to know each other deeper than friends, then as you two grow together in spirit and your hearts grow intertwined, then you’ll either know if they are “the one” or it wasn’t meant to be. Relationships need to be treated respectfully, they are stepping stone to greater things, don’t enter one because you want to be able to say you got someone, enter one because you truly care about someone. Because you want to see if you two are really compatible.

Relationships are not an easy thing, they take effort, but they can be well worth it if done properly. I have a couple suggestions to help you in your relationships.

1. Start a friendship and just let it grow… This is so important in a relationship, were you two friends first? Ok, yeah there are people who randomly meet each other at a bar or something, but majority of the time I’d suggest getting to know them as a friend before you take another step. Why waste the time in a relationship if you two really don’t connect as friends? Wouldn’t you love to be able to marry your best friend? Sounds like a dream, but it is reality, you can do it. Start as friends, get to know them, when you both feel like taking that next step then do it.

2. Family always comes first… No matter how far you are in a relationship I believe it is vital to have family come first. You two may be boyfriend and girlfriend but when a sister, brother, mom, or dad want to talk, let your “partner” know you got to go for a bit, they should understand this. Family should always be at the top of the list of priorities. To be in a great relationship you really don’t need talk 24/7, yes it is nice but it isn’t necessary. Time with family is however necessary. So don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend you are going to go do some family stuff, they should understand. If they don’t, you may want to reevaluate that relationship.

3. Morally focused… This is a tough one to describe. I believe in God, I have a relationship with God. But I know everyone is not like me, but I know everyone has a conscious. Personally I believe to have a strong and powerful relationship it is truly vital to have God as the center piece. Need to be open with each other about your emotions, your feelings, and your faith. If what’s going on doesn’t coincide with what you believe speak up. In a strong Christian relationship you should challenge each other to be stronger Christians. Pray together, read scripture together, do a weekly devotion together. Never lose sight of what is most important in your life.

Relationships aren’t easy, they take effort, but that is why there are two people. Both parties work together, they feed off each other. I have found my best friend, I am working on implementing the last two ideas on this “friendship” so that when we get to enter a relationship we will be able to handle it.

Parent involvement/approval will make the relationship better, knowing that the parents accept it, and are ok with it can take a tremendous strain off of the two people. Don’t enter a relationship till you truly feel ready. Age has no correlation to wisdom, being young shouldn’t stop you from what you really want, an 18 year old may be a lot wiser than people give them credit for. Yes, I understand parents don’t want to see their kids get hurt, but as we grow up we need to learn on our own. How can we learn if we don’t experience things for ourselves?

There it is, my view on relationships/dating. I hope this helps you in your relationships. Hope you have a great day, God bless.

A Single Choice

This may be a fairly short post, sorry for that, but it is something that has really helped me lately, so I hope you enjoy!!

What if a single choice could change your whole day? Would you make that choice? What if by simply saying, I am breathing and moving so I will enjoy my day to its fullest, we could change our view about the whole day? Reality is though, we can say something like that, believe it in our hearts, and we will have a relatively good day. Now sure there are thing which can ultimately ruin your day, but in the grand scheme of things, majority of things that ruin peoples days are so minuscule that they shouldn't really effect the person. I understand that there are other things that cause people to break down but that tends to be a build up of stress and pain from previous events. Had a bad day at work, you begin to not want to go, then you have another bad day and you begin to hate the idea of going to work. Meanwhile, you could be saying, "I don't love my job, but it's a job. I GET to go to work, I Get to earn money." The moment you start saying GET instead of HAVE your attitude will change and you may actually find an enjoyable thing about your job or your school work.

Yes, I know this really isn't that easy of a thing to do, but it is something that can greatly effect you in the long run. You'll no longer feel overwhelmed or stressed out. Who knows, you may begin to enjoy life. We were all put here for a purpose, we all have something inside us that needs to be shared, a story that will be told. I can guarantee you that your purpose is not to find every negative detail in life and live in the pain of having no enjoyment. The meaning of life is to give life a meaning. Life happens, no doubt about it. Things happen that aren't good, and then great things happen. We all have the conscious choice of letting those bad things tear us down to where we miss all the good.

Your view on life can be changed by simple looking at it from a different view. For example, you are running late for work, majority of people would think "aww crap, I'm going to be late for work." well, try thinking, "At least I have a job to go to." Simply changing your view on something that is happening to you at that moment will greatly effect you mode. People will enjoy being around you, they won't be turned off from you. Work to make a decision to view your life from a relaxed state where you can see what good is in it.

Hope you enjoyed this, was something I've been working on and I figured I should share it with you all.

The search is on.

            The search is on. The search to find someone to share your story with. Many people have a hard time understanding what love is… maybe that is because love isn’t a thing, it isn’t tangible. It’s something felt in the heart, perceived by the mind, and expressed through the soul. I love the book and movie “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” well, in the movie, Oskar is says something that gets me thinking every time, oddly enough, gets me thinking about love. Young Oskar is on the search for people named “Black” and he develops a system… “I started with a simple problem, a key with no lock… and I designed a system I thought fit the problem. I broke everything down in the smallest parts… and tried to think of each person as a number… in a gigantic equation… but it wasn’t working… because people aren’t like numbers. They’re more like letters… and those letters want to become stories… and dad said that stories need to be shared.” Oskar has discovered something that few people understand. People are not numbers… and I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking, “No duh” but hear me out on this… So often times, people see others and just numbers or signs. They fail to recognize them as human beings with a story. Insurance companies, banks, credit card companies are most commonly known for doing this. Sadly, individuals do it to other individuals. They may never realize what they are doing, but when you get down to the bare bones of it, it becomes apparent.

            People use other people. It’s a fact of life. So often time people lay all there burdens on someone else and leave them like that… I know this for fact since I’ve dealt with this. Finding someone who shares the weight of the load can be a live saver, literally. If you keep around friends who bury you in their pain, but do nothing to help you with yours, I’m sorry but they aren’t really your friends. So many issues today could be solved by sitting and listening to each other… I know I’m preaching to the chorus but really people? How difficult is it to help someone when they are in need? People are letters that make up a story, take time out to listen to someone’s story, because guess what… you may just fall in love with them. People have vibrant, colorful, pained souls. We all got to where we are by a series of great or horrible events. We all have things weighing us down, they make us drag our feet. We look around and sometimes see people lapping us, making fun and laughing at us. People feel beaten and battered, they come home and lay there in defeat. These broken souls walk by us every day, maybe you have a broken soul. Well today we can change that. “We are broken, we are bleeding, but we love. Take our broken mangled hearts, press them together that’s who we are. Two broken beaten souls, when put together make us whole.” That is a short poem I wrote for the girl I really care about. She and I are very close, we can feel each other’s pain, we rejoice in each other’s triumphs. We took the time to listen to each other. I opened up to her days after meeting her, I felt safe with her, I saw something in her I hadn’t seen in years… peace. My mind was at rest when I talked to her, when I looked into her eyes, I felt confident she’d help me. She has. Really, looking at it, it must be love. No other way to put it. When you meet someone who listens to your story, shares with you theirs, then together you work to be strong. That is Love.

            Love doesn’t always have to be with a relationship though, Love can be with your best friend, your roommate… There is more to Love than being together for life. Love is really like an invisible force, it can drive people to do crazy things, but it can drive people to sanity as well. With a network Love and support, anything is possible. So please, take the time out of your day, get out of your comfort zone, and listen to someone’s story. Anything could happen.

            This really has been a long winded way of saying something that has been simply put by the lovely internet. “Be kinder than necessary, everyone is fighting some kind of battle.” So, be kind, listen, and feel. Don’t be afraid to go out and listen to what people have to say, listen to their stories, learn. That is all for now, hope you enjoyed, sorry for the rambling….

Confidence Is Key

In whatever you do, have confidence. A simple statement, but when broken down you realize how difficult it is when it's something you have either never done and or have failed at so many times before. It's actually amazing though, how the brain functions. When one is trying something, and they do so with pronounced confidence, 9 times out of 10 they do it well. Lately I have had to work to have some confidence in my life.

I have been applying for jobs non stop lately, to be honest, thinking back, I have applied to close to 20 business around my house, I only heard back from three to say they were no longer accepting applications for this position. Well, a dear friends mom tipped me to an opening at the local Kroger... The opportunity seemed too good to be true, and due to my lack of success my hopes were low. Well, Tuesday morning I applied, thirty minutes after applying I got a call for an interview and had it scheduled the next day. My friend kept telling me, "be confident!" I kind of shrugged it off since I didn't expect to get the job. She kept telling me I'll get it, and that I need to have some confidence in it. Well, time of the interview came, and it was a breeze, even though I was faking the confidence, I projected the idea that I was confident. They interviewer liked that, and I was hired on the spot.

Confidence is also needed when making decisions that will greatly effect the outcome of the scenario. For example, in bowling, transition and changes happen constantly (as in life, but I know bowling better than I do life so I can easily explain my theory). So in bowling I am constantly making adjustments, and the pro always reminds me when he watches me, "move with confidence!" And you know what, when I make moves with confidence, so often that move works. When I don't feel confident in my adjustments, so often times the outcome is pitiful at best. Confidence is truly key in whatever you do, whether it be something in sports or in everyday life.

So, as you can tell, I have really learned lately that having confidence really is a key to success. Fear is good to have, it lets you know that you're taking a risk and a lot of times, the more the risk the better the reward. Don't let that fear stand in your way of something great though, stare it down with confidence. People will be more likely to notice you if you in a good way if you attack any decision with confidence. Good luck, having it all the time isn't easy, I know this from experience, but work at it, and someday it'll help you make it big. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. Until next time.

I'm never "OK"

Sorry for not posting anything in a while. Been really struggling to come up with a topic. Fortunately for me, I think I found one and hopefully this goes well. So... here goes nothing...

"Are you ok?" is something that is so often said to someone who obviously is struggling with something, whether it be a physical pain or a mental drain, it is noticeable that they are not ok... But the common response by them is "Yea", why? Cause when you are down the last thing you want to do is talk to people because in your heart you feel like they really don't care they are just trying too make it look like they do. Well, I no longer say "yea" when asked if I'm ok. Why? Because truth be told, I am never ok. I am never in that surreal state where nothing is bothering me. My mind is never in a safe haven where it is free of worry, stress, ambition... I am, nor will I ever be ok.

I am human, at least I think I am, and guess what. Being human means having a brain, and a brain stores information and emotion. Now if you were too look at emotion on a spectrum, the far left being bad emotions that hinder you such as fear, doubt, pain, jealousy (which can be good in some ways..) then the middle is "OK" and the right side are "good" emotions like love, happiness, joy and so on. Well, when you look at emotions like a spectrum, and you plot out what you are feeling, guess what, I highly doubt you ever land on just "ok" because you and I are alike. You're full of doubt, full of fear, yet you're full of joy, happiness, and ambition to be the best. The mind is so powerful and can comprehend a thousand different feelings and emotions at once, so if you plot a few, you'll see you never land on the basic "ok". So let us stop with the games of being "ok" and start being human. Saying, "why would I be ok, ok implies feeling nothing at all, and being human means feeling it all."

As the great Robin Williams said in the movie Dead Poets Society (fantastic movie), "Avoid using the word 'very' because it is lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys -- to woo women-- and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do." Now, I know, that doesn't do much with being "ok", but, it really does. See, "ok" is like "very". It is a lazy word. Don't be afraid to describe your feelings and be expressive about it. You are human, you have feelings, don't hide them! "It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us..." don't hide the good times, and never be afraid to talk about the bad times with people. If they didn't care if you were ok, why would they ask? Thank you. Hope you enjoyed. Until next time...

Patience is a virtue.

Everyone knows the old saying that patience is a virtue. Then you find out what this word patience means and for some you realize that there is no way on earth that you'll ever be patient, especially in todays world with technology. You have anything you want at your finger tips, and 90% of the time, you can get it that instant. The sad truth of life, that society will someday fail to understand how vital patience is. I've been waiting (lets say dying so I can quote this poem I read).

"I've been dying, dying to finish high school and start college, dying to finish college and start a career, dying to marry and have kids, dying to retire from work, and now, I am dying... and I realized I forgot to live." -Anonymous.

There is nothing wrong with looking forward to things, especially big moments, such as graduating or starting a career or a family. It's never hurt to look forward to something, but don't let that be the only place you look. If you were on a road trip, and you're riding in the back seat, you don't stare out the front window the whole time staring down your destination do you? It's pointless to do that, take in the scenery on the way their, enjoy the moment. You may believe that you need to be in control, sitting in the drivers seat, making sure that you don't crash on your way to your destination. In reality though, you could be chilling in the back seat, sipping coffee and still make it, why? Because there is a God, there is a force, there is fate, there is whatever you believe in driving that car (life). Patience is not sitting there willing it to happen, it isn't staring down your target till you're there. Patience is accepting that it'll take time for it to happen, but also have the will or drive to do what it takes to get there.

Often times people get caught in that notion that patience is just sitting there waiting. Really, how well do you think that works when you sit there, all you can do is think about what it is you're waiting for, then it feels as if time slows down and it takes forever for the day to come when you can have whatever it is you wanted. People don't put a puzzle out then sit and wait for it to be put together, they take the time to put forth the effort to put it together. Puzzles work well with patience, sure you can see the picture you're making, but there is something about putting it all together that makes it feel so rewarding in the end. So as in life, you can visualize what it is you want, but you need to put in the effort and take the time to put it all together. Don't rush things, but don't sit there and will it to happen, you need to make it happen.

Patience and perseverance are often mistaken for each other I believe. Patience sends this aura of waiting quietly and not complaining. Perseverance however says that you are willing to wait, but you are putting in the time and effort to get whatever it is you need. to quote a great song by Villagers, "I waited for something, and something died, so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived." From their song, Nothing Arrived. This so resembles the common misconception of patience, you should not just sit there and wait, go get it! Nothing good happens when you wait, often times, something bad happens. "Oh, just waiting on this girl to come around" often ends up being that she finds someone else who worked to get her attention.

So there it is, my thoughts on patience. It is important to be patient in the fact of not complaining about not having something at that moment, but I believe you need perseverance more. You need to remember to work for what you want, not just wait for it to happen. Hope you enjoyed.

Measure of Success

For years I believed that success was being doing something that earned the attention of others. Such as doing something that made your parents say "I'm proud of you, good job." Or really hearing that come from anyone. As I've grown up though and moved into higher ranks of competitive sports, I've seen people get so upset about losing that they are near tears even though everyone around is telling them "Great job" "you were impressive out there" "you got it next time." Watching them break down like that has really made me question what the measure of success really is. It must not being the point in which you receive affirmation from others. I know now that the measure of success can only be measured from the inside. Did you reach your goal, did you accomplish the task you set in front of yourself. After thinking about it, I realized that only I can control my success. I don't nor should I ever depend on the acceptance of others to help me feel successful.

So what are your dreams? What is it that you long for that it keeps you up at night. What do you want to do so badly you'd give up just about anything to accomplish it. It can be anything, from getting that 4.0 in high school, to winning a major tournament of some sort. Getting that division one sports scholarship, or doing so well in music you get invited to state competitions. Whatever it is that you have a passion for, what ever it is you long for, remember one thing though, work for it. I've been practicing hard for a few years to become one of the best bowlers out there, I've studied the game, I've worked at the mental game endlessly, and you know what, I've failed to reach any of my goals. After pondering why that might be, I realize why. I've let the standards and pressure from everyone to push me too hard. I've worked with pros who believe I should have won several tournaments by now, people saw me bowl my 300 games and say that I am one of the best youth bowlers in the city if not the state. For too long I've allowed their standards and pressure to get in the way of me reaching my goals, my idea of success. Oddly enough, my idea of success is the same as what they expect out of me, but I don't think of doing it for myself, I worry too much about what they all think of me.

I'm now working towards a mental game of, "this is my goal, these are my plans, and I will execute them to perfection." The key to success is to set a goal, work for that goal, and to beat that goal. If you try and work toward that goal for someone one else, 9 times out of 10 you wont succeed. When you set out to do something, remind yourself that it is your goal that you want to beat, not meet someone else's standards.

I've struggled with this idea of success so much that it drove me to a shallow depth of depression in a way. The day I bowled a 300, one of the most impressive things to do in the bowling world, all I got from people was a "congrats!" and a high five. I received two plaques from the league, and I had to buy my own commemorative ring. I'd built up a hype, I built up this idea that it was such a difficult task to accomplish and that when I did it I'd feel great. Well, I did it, and I felt nothing. Now, after a few months, I still feel nothing. I don't feel like I'm a better bowler, I don't feel better about myself for doing it. It's strange. I thought I'd have this great sense of success, but I just felt like it was another trophy on the wall. I wondered if it was a natural feeling to feel nothing after beating your goals. I did some research and found a very interesting quote by Bubba Watson after winning the Masters a few years back, I believe after his first time. He was asked if this moment was similar to how his dreams were. His response, with tears in his eyes, "I never got this far in my dreams, so I can't say." This quote caught me off guard but I absolutely love it. I take it as, "dream so big that you can't actually imagine accomplishing it." If you have a crazy dream, work for it, and who knows, that dream may become reality and you'll feel successful after it. I am going to try and apply that to myself from now on, and I'd strongly urge you too do so as well. Dream so big that people doubt you, that you don't even know what will happen if you accomplish it. Then work for that dream, and when you accomplish it, you'll find out the true feeling of being accomplished.

So in conclusion, I'll just put what I tried to get it in basic terms. Success should only be measured by you. You and only you get to say whether or not you were successful in your endeavor. Never settle for easy goals, push yourself to do something that seems impossible. (When asked, majority of billionaires say they don't think their as successful as they should have been.) Once you set that goal that seems almost unattainable, work for it. Put in the effort, nothing worthwhile came easy. Everyone has their own Everest to climb, their own goals to reach, work for yours, and help push others to theirs as well. In the end, if you accomplished YOUR goal which seemed impossible, you'll feel so much better about it. So that's it. Success is measured by you, hold yourself to your own standard. Hope you enjoyed. Leave a comment if there's something you'd like to hear for next week.