4am thoughts...

So the other night I fell asleep at a reasonable hour, approximately 11:50, well, I woke up at 12:35 in the morning. Well, needless to say, as you can tell in the title, I didn't fall asleep for a while. I finally did around 6:30. Anyways, I spent all night either reading, surfing the web, listening to mental music, studying some more psychology... Then around 4 am I opened up the pages app on my Mac, and just started typing. To be honest, it was one of those out of mind, out of body experiences. I just typed. If it came to mind it wen on the page. So here it is... My thoughts at 4 am...

Everybody wants something. One common theme in everyone’s meme is that we all want love, knowledge, power, and to be right. It’s natural for people to want one of those three, but more often than not, they want all of them. What is it about these four “basic” concepts that every person strives for. Yes there are other principals outside of these four that many people want, like money, profitability, to be famous… Breaking it all down though, everything you could want or dream of, can be broken down until it fits into one of the four.

LOVE: everybody wants to be loved, but so many people are scared to love. It’s the sad truth that there are people/couples where love only seems to go one way. How unfortunate that would be, to date or marry someone who you thought was your significant other to realize that they don’t feel nor will the respond to you with love. Anyways, this idea of love, what’s so great about it? Everyone just wants it, everybody who does’t already have it that is. Love is the quintessential antidote to loneliness. We have this preconceived idea that if we are loved we will no longer feel lonely. The sad truth is that, no matter how much love you feel, there will always be a sense of loneliness. If you don’t return that love, that person isn’t going to keep giving it. You’ll find out very quickly that people are quite fickle. We do have things we hang on to, but if it’s not beneficial, then we will leave it. So really, everyone wants to be loved. It’s one of the four things that made my list. It’s such a basic idea, but it’s complex in reality. Love hurts, love is doing something you hate for someone. Love is sticking through every challenge with someone. If they won’t go through difficulties and come out saying they love you, then sadly they aren’t the one. On the flip side, if they face the trials and difficulties of life with you, and you both come out of it saying how much you love each other and how much you both grew as a result, then it’s possible that they are a keeper. Love is a two way street, you can’t take and not give. If you just take, you’re not going to be getting much in return. I like this idea, it’s simple in theory but difficult in practice… Give 75% and expect 25%. Give more and expect less. If your significant other or your best friend and you both employ this idea in your lives, then you’ll both be so happy when you receive more than you were expecting, and you’ll feel great about giving more than they expected. Joy levels and happiness in that relationship will rise.

KNOWLEDGE: this one is a tough one. I know people who have this overwhelming thirst for knowledge. They want to know everything they can in their lifetime, and all I have to say to them is… “good luck.” See, I’ve grown up with the world at my fingertips. If I’m curious about something I can type it in on google and it’ll give me an answer. This process of receiving instead of searching has caused my generation to not have the interest in retaining information. Why fill your brain with amazing information when you can pull it up easy at any moment? Oh, I don’t know, because being knowledgeable is an amazing thing. How great is it to know and understand how the world works. I sometimes envy these people that have this insane thirst for knowledge. My girlfriend is one of them… You know what I realized though? Everyone has a thirst of knowledge, just have to find the key to unlock it. My dream is to hold quizzical and deeply informational conversations with her someday as my wife. You know what I’ve finally realized though? After being forced to read and deal with something I hated for years, I’ve come to realize that reading is the life blood of knowledge. It is the quickest way to obtain knowledge about things less known. Back as a Junior, my english teacher said something that was funny at the time, but now I’ve come to realize the shear importance of it. A student asked him, jokingly of course, “do we have to read the book or can I watch the movie?” For me this seemed like a fair question, I hated reading at the time. I despised the simple idea of having to pick up a book. His response was humorous, but it took years to really set in… “Sure, absorb someone else’s imagination instead of using your own.” Finally, after years, the profundity of that simple sentence broke me. I realize after hearing about the astounding personal libraries of the worlds greatest CEO’s and other influential people on today’s society. I have come to grips that, I too have this thirst for knowledge, and simply put, the answer to that is reading. I prefer biography sorts. Learning from the lives of the greatest humans I know. If you want knowledge, you don’t have to fry your brain studying, just start reading. My proudest achievement will someday have custom bookshelves made and filled in my house. I guess my goal is to be as eclectic or cultured as possible. I hope to someday be such an avid reader I can just devour books. 

POWER: everybody wants to be powerful. You may be sitting there saying, nah, I’m ok where I’m at in the passengers seat, but let’s be real. Pretty much everyone likes to be in charge of something. No matter what, there is always that one area in your life that you can’t give up control. You believe that every other person is inferior and that only you know what you’re doing. For me, that’s finances and bowling. It’s a simple theory really, except for the greats like Jim Cramer, Josh Brown, and really the highly acclaimed professionals in the business, I think that everyone else doesn’t have a clue what they are doing. It pains me to sit there and listen to someone who doesn’t get it, and it’s even worse when they don’t let me talk. I like the idea of being in control and being powerful in this regard. Not always does wanting power mean that you know what’s best. Sometimes, you just want power. You’re sick of being pushed around. You’re tired of everyone treating you like crap. You want to move out and be the real owner of your life. So, I mean really, everybody wants power. Everybody wants to be listen to and respected mainly, but you can always work it back to the simple idea of having power.

TO BE RIGHT: who likes being wrong? No one… There’s moments that you may wish you’re wrong when you’re making a guess about a particular situation, but when you find out you’re right your ego grows just that tiny bit. Got a hundred percent on a test? Ego grows. It’s a simple equation, it seems like everyone is full of themselves in some way. Even though I may say I hate being right, I hate being wrong even more. It’s important to realize that being wrong happens, making mistakes happen. It’s part of being human. I’m not some alien, I’m going to be wrong. I don’t have the expanses of human knowledge preloaded in my brain, I’m going to make mistakes. I’m emotional, I’ve got a faulty mind. It’s human error. Everyone surfers from it. Being wrong makes you human. I really hate being wrong about stuff, and I’m sure there is plenty of the population out there with me. I’m working on understanding I can’t always be right, as much as I want to be, it’s just not human!

So yeah, everybody wants at least one of these… Many people want all of them I’m sure (guilty is charged). There is nothing wrong with it, as long as you remember what is important in life. Sharing a special love between you and one person (doesn't mean you can't love more people, but there has to be one special love in your life)… Gain knowledge but don’t forget who you are… Being strong and powerful, but ruling with a caring nature and do good with that power… You’ll be right sometimes, you’ll be wrong sometimes, it’s all a part of being human… Most of all, live life to its fullest, don’t waste it away on things not of value to you, but don’t undermine it as it may be of value to someone else. We are here for a reason, find your own reason. You were custom made, and your life is designed specifically with you in mind. Your friends and loves are different, but they are there to help you. So yeah, there are my 4 am thoughts from August 25th. I hope you enjoyed… I just wish I knew how to get some sleep!

Anxiety...

Hello readers. This post is kind of a difficult thing for me to let out. For several years I’ve struggled with something that I don’t often share just because of how society responds to it. I have very high anxiety issues. Now, I’ve kind of grown a distaste when I hear people talk about their anxiety issues… So I thought I’d kind of write this and explain what anxiety is, what anxiety attacks feel like, and how you can help someone who’s in an anxiety attack…

So, what is anxiety. Often times, due to misuse by so many, anxiety has been the replacement word for fear. This is extremely unfortunate because so many people now say they have anxiety issues/disorder, when in reality they are just fearful of a thing, they have a phobia of it. Anxiety is a little more difficult than a fear. Fear, gives you butterflies, puts a lump in your throat, gives you cold sweat… Anxiety puts you in the fetal position, ties your intestines in knots, makes you burning hot then freezing cold, basically makes you question if you are still alive. It’s kind of sad when I talk to people and they tell me how bad their anxieties are, and I ask them to explain what’s going on and they basically tell me a fear about something and they don’t know what to do. Meanwhile, I sit there, thinking they are feeling like death due to anxiety. I understand  anxiety comes in different forms and different levels, but the general consensus is the same, fear is nearly all mental with little physical, while anxiety is the mind causing the body to malfunction. It’s a scary thing going through an anxiety attack, and isn’t easy, and it’s very sad to watch someone helplessly lay there in so much pain and you can’t do anything. Just ask my girlfriend, she’s never seen first hand an anxiety attack, but she’s heard it over the phone…

I’m sure you’re wondering what an anxiety attack feels like. Well, everyone experiences it differently but the outcome is the same. I like to describe it as this. You’re walking along, with a friend, and you run into a wall. Your friend however keeps going, you lean your head against the wall, begging for help. All your friend says is “come on, there is no wall, you just think there is a wall. Get over here or I’m leaving.” Well, there is a wall for the person with anxiety, and sadly, it really can come out of nowhere. You stand there, and then drop to your knees. Unable to move. You’re body starts shaking, you begin to hyperventilate. Your heart makes an attempt to beat out of your chest, or it decides to skip a beat, either way you feel like your heart is dying. You curl into a ball, crying, unable to move past this wall that is apparently not there for anyone else. Seeing that, feeling alone, makes it worse. The anxiety about facing people turns worse as you start to think you’re some kind of freak and no one will talk to you. You really do feel like you’re left for dead.

You feel like you’re dying and you’re not going to make it, that is, unless someone stays with you. It’s quite simple. If you are having an anxiety attack, having someone support you and stay with you helps. And really, if someone with anxiety asks you to do something for them in public, like ordering food even, just do it. Don’t question them, just do it. Answer the same question no matter how many times they ask you it. Being loving towards someone with anxiety does wonders, you try to help them face it. Anxiety isn’t a fear, fear can be overcome by facing it, but anxiety requires a rewiring of the brain. Don't try to get them to face it, just do it with them or do it for them. It may be stupid to you, but it does wonders for the person dying of anxiety. 

Hope this cleared the air a little and I hope this gave you some form of insight into the idea of anxiety. I didn’t try to explain what triggers it, because I really don’t know what does. Like I said, it just happens. Sometimes there’s a triggers, sometimes our minds are a ticking time bomb. We over think, and increase our anxiety because we are so fearful of outcomes from making the wrong decision. Just be there with them, or do it for them. Don’t push them to do it… Please. That just increases the anxiety because now they’re worrying about failing and disappointing you.

Driven to Live Fully

What drives you? What do you enjoy about life? What makes you want to be the best that you can be? Everyone struggles through life, and I aways liked the saying, “Life’s a beautiful struggle, forget the struggle and find the beauty.” But, each and every person has a different standard of beauty, and each and every person struggles through their own issues. Maybe you’re like me, you battle demons of the mind. You fight your inhibitions, fears, doubts, and anxieties. The challenge in life for me is to push through the pain and fear of failing and try. Basically, in this post I’ll talk about some common things I’m trying to follow to live a happier and more satisfying life… I hope you enjoy.

Everything in life is meant to challenge you and make you strive to be better. If you go into a scenario or a part of life with the assumption you’re going to learn something from it, 9 times out of 10 you’ll learn something. Everything that happens in life is a lesson, teaching us for the next time that scenario will come around, or teaching us ways to deal with other problems that may arise. The first step in enjoying and taking over your life is to start understanding the theory that everything in life is a test and you can take a lesson out of it. This is one part of life that I definitely feel like I’ve come to grasps with. Everything happens for a reason and typically that reason is to teach you a lesson of some sort. I like the idea my golf coach told me at one time. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” If you think you can take a lesson out of something, you will. It’s all about the mind and how you perceive every scenario in life.

The other thing that you can do in life, is take every difficulty and use it to your advantage. Take the difficulty in step, and enjoy it. In theatre, they often say to actors, “use the disadvantage.” It comes from the little story of an actor during rehearsal, he says to his director he can’t get on stage because there is a chair in his way. The director responds, “Use the difficulty. If it’s a drama, pick it up and smash it on the ground. If it’s a comedy, fall over it.” I read this statement and kind of fallen in love with it. I haven’t done plays in quite a few years, and even when I was I never heard this… But now that I have, I love it. Everyone has a disadvantage/difficulty, use it. Every scenario has a difficulty, so whatever you’re in, treat that difficult with the type of play you want to live. If you love humor, treat that difficulty with humor until you’re past it. If you’ve got some type of mental illness, like anxiety, use it to express tremendous amounts of love by always making an effort to talk to them because your anxiety makes it difficult for you when you’re not talking. (I’m in that category for sure.) No matter what difficulty you face, there is always a way around it, or a way to enjoy it.

So there are a few ways that I specifically have been working on doing. I hope you found these helpful in your life. Life is a lesson, enjoy it, all of it. 

Forgive and forget.

So, we all know that we are supposed to forgive the ones who hurt us, I mean Jesus said to forgive them 7 times 70 (which would be 490 times). The thing is there should be no limit as to how many times you forgive someone. People matter, and people make mistakes. Don't burn a bridge just because someone hurt you or did someone that you don't like. I'm not going to write this using scripture to back up the theory that we need to forgive and forget, I'm going to write this to help people understand how dangerous and how painful it is to hold a grudge.

So, someone has hurt you in some form or another. If they apologized great, if they didn't, face them and tell them they hurt you and let them know what happened. I feel like people today have people become so numb to their own actions that they never realize they hurt someone. It's the sad fact in life, when you can post a comment or a tweet and indirectly have it hurt someone. It could be about something totally different, but it still hurt. I'm sure everyone's been hurt by a post or something like it. It's becoming a common theme as more and more people have started to open up behind the keys of a message board.

When someone asks for forgiveness or apologizes, they are admitting they did wrong. It takes guts to admit that you messed up, to face the music, so don't take it lightly when someone finally asks you for forgiveness or says they're sorry for something they did. Accept the apology, say it's ok and you forgive them. Let them know you're not mad and you're not going to hold it above their heads, dangling from a string that at the next mistake they make it snaps. It's not healthy to hold a grudge. Holding grudges doesn't just hurt that other person, it hurts you and your reputation. People see you holding a grudge and they're not going to want to cross paths with you. The other fact is that often times, holding a grudge can and will burn bridges, bridges that may be very helpful in the future when you're stuck in a predicament and can't really get out. What's the point of tying that ball and chain of pain around your ankle? There's no point in doing that. Life is meant to be lived and loved. You're not meant to sit there being annoyed by someones very existence.

It's not healthy nor enjoyable to you or the people around you when the mention of someones name makes you bitter. Enjoy the times, let go of the pain, and live life to its fullest. If someone leaves you because they're mad at you? Let them. The fact that someone fails to let go of things should tell you they'll always hold anything you mess up on over your head. Trust me, if you've not already dealt with someone like this, it is not enjoyable.

I've had plenty of people hate me, I've gone to them and apologized for what I supposedly did to them. Yet, they still wish I was dead. Sadly, not everyone has the ability to move on. So, just be careful when you're going to be around people you know don't like you. If they won't forgive you, don't pester them, just hope and pray that someday they'll actually forgive you.

That's all for now... Kind of lost where I was going, turned into a rant more than anything I guess. Hope you enjoyed and got something of this. Please don't hold grudges, spare yourself and everyone around you that burden.

Respectful men.

So, as I mentioned before I had spent some time in Chicago at a National Youth Bowling tournament. While I was there I had the opportunity to meet and speak with many guys my own age, and sadly I kind of wish I hadn't talked to them. I was very disappointed the way they talked about life, how they were "knocking up" girls, or getting high and getting wasted while on this trip. It actually made me mad to be a teenage male. I was disgusted with the way these boys treat women, they treat them like they are objects and they don't understand that these women have hearts, souls, and minds. Great minds too.

You see, in today's society so many boys think it's a lofty prize to have slept with a girl, and so many brag about how many girls they've slept with. It is just horrible to think what these guys do or even how their minds can blow off what they do. They seem to not care at all that the girl they are messing with is another human. Sadly so many young adult men have objectified women. It's a sad truth. We (the male population) need a revival. It starts with this generation who's about to be married and having kids, the men of that generation need to step up and be responsible fathers and responsible men most of all. 1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, Godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." I feel like some boys who heard this verse only heard "Pursue love." Unfortunately for them, He doesn't even mean making love with anyone, God means specifically falling in love with a girl. Being a rock to her and helping her live in faith.

I understand that majority to all those guys were not christians, but you know what? Society is so messed up and I'm not saying this as a christian but as a man they should be more respectful of women. Like I said, I was extremely disappointed when I heard a few boys bragging about how many girls they slept with while in Chicago for the 5 or so days. One of the buys even said to me, "Got this one girl to sleep with me last night dude, it is great, don't know her name and I haven't seen her since!" Fortunately another guy who had the same feelings I did pulled me over to talk because I was about do something I'd regret. I don't understand, nor will I ever stand where boys think they have a right to objectify women. That is the least manly characteristic I've ever seen, but the only way I know to combat it is raise my future son right. Raise him to be a proper man. I need to also respectfully respond to boys I hear talking like that, unfortunately I struggle with that as my girlfriend points out to me... "Violence is not the answer Tucker." Is a line I hear too many times. I get very frustrated and angry when I hear conversation like I heard in Chicago.

So, I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Men, raise your sons right, raise them to be real men of class and not "swag masters" who do not understand showing respect. Girls, I hope you find a fine respectful man. I also hope you help him raise the next generation of young men so that maybe we can stop the fall of society. I hope this helps you understand, I am challenging all who read this, and I'm challenging myself all the time as well to be the man I want my daughter to marry. This may sound really odd, but when you enter a relationship, treat her like you'd like your future daughters boyfriend to treat her. It's difficult sometimes, but know that she is important to someone. Hope you enjoyed my little explosion on disrespectful boys. Hope this doesn't offend any one.