Aggression isn't the best response...

I am sorry for the delay, I got back from bowling the Junior Gold National Championships in Chicago and I finally am feeling 100% from that. My girlfriend challenged me (more like asked me to) write a blog post on the topic of homosexuality and the gay marriage rights. First off, I want to make it completely clear that I am absolutely against gay marriage. I do not support the idea of marriage because marriage was something created by God to be between husband and wife, man and woman. So living as a christian, I do not believe it is correct or should be allowed that a marriage could be between a man and man, or woman and woman. Though I despise this sin and the actions of many people, I still love the persons who are gay, or bi, or transgender. I believe if Christ were alive today, he'd love them with all his heart, and show them the grace of God.

Growing up I learned quickly that yelling and beating something into a person seems to rarely if ever work. Showing love, compassion, sharing in a deep conversation allows both parties to really understand each other. Sure, in like sports a coach yelling at someone to do it works, but that is when you're pumped up with adrenaline and you understand the coach is in charge. In everyday life, sitting down, talking over coffee or tea, can do wonders. Not be aggressive with them, not belittle their thinking, but listening and trying to understand what they've gone through. Share the love that God gave you. My pastor was talking about the Issachar tribe, and what it means to live in the times but live like christian's in today's insane world. I really liked something he said, it struck a cord with me because I've never liked how churches seem to handle it the situations. He said, "Society has pressed the mute button on the church because they have seen quick aggressive responses and want none of that. They've yet to sit and listen to our thoughtful responses." This really hit me, because all too often the church and christian's alike seem to just attack and beat the word of God into sinners. Growing up having that done to me, I realize how ineffective that method is. It is really best to express love, and show them that God is good. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've used no scripture references throughout this post. That's because as christian's, we need to be aware of our actions and how they reflect the likeness of God and Christ. We were created in his likeness, so that when we are reborn through him, we will carry out good deeds to the world and live as lights and a blackened world. We want to be the hands and feet of God, do his work in the world. This isn't' anything new. The moment you ask God for forgiveness, he asks you to save his people. I mean, for the longest time every kid had a bracelet, WWJD? What would Jesus do. So, what would he? In light of recent events, I personally believe that Jesus would love. He'd tell them about God, let them know the grace of God through his many parables. Jesus loved. He loved all, you think he didn't? So many christian's don't want to get down and dirty working with everyday sinners. Jesus' disciples, the 12 men he spent the most time with, were tax collectors (hated people), fishermen, and some we are unsure what they did. Jesus spent time teaching to sinners along with saints. He hung around lepers, people who were cast out of the city. If you're a christian, and trying to live like Christ. Why do you hide behind church doors throwing scripture at every sinner who walked by? Be honest, don't you think Jesus would be out loving His brothers and sisters?

My apologies for kind of going off. I'm not a fan of how "aggressive" the church is. Too busy worrying about being contaminated. I read this story, a church heard that a LGBT group was going to protest across the street from them, and what the church did shocked everybody (unfortunately). They set up tents, put out food and drinks for the protesters. I just imagine the scene, members of the LGBT yelling at the church congregation, and they simply respond, "Are you thirsty? Been yelling for a while. Here is some water." As they hand them a bottle of water. In the midst of being yelled at, they showed love and compassion to the protesters. Now that is love. Fighting fire with fire never seems to work. Show love and compassion, let God's work and will be done.

I hope you enjoyed. I'm sorry if this post offended anyone.

Christian Fathers.

           A father is meant to be a rock, the firm foundation upon which a family can stand. He should be a light towards God using his actions, but also should have the tongue of God in his mouth. Teaching and sharing the word of the Lord with his family as well as sharing the good news to others. The issue is, that in today’s society, fathers and father figures are lacking in life. So many men have fallen short of the glory of God. So many men are blinded by self-righteousness and they forget the duties they signed up for when giving their lives to God. A father’s first order of business is to show his family the goodness of God. For we are all created in God’s likeness, and though we all fall short of the glory that is God, we all work to be as like him as possible.

           Fathers (and mothers) are the first people a new child ever get to know. They are the people who have the most influence upon the child. They are the first people given the opportunity to show Christ to this child. Sadly many fathers and mothers fall short of the glory of God, and forget what scripture has to say. So many people read the Book and live it in their own twisted utopias, very few read what others have to say, then compare that to scripture. Living a Godly life is not easy, so many daily struggles test your patience, but it’s about time father’s start stepping up. Time has sped up, boys seem to be “men” in physical stature earlier than ever, the thing is, too many of these “men” have failed to become scriptural men. It’s my prayer that the light of the Lord be shown to them, so that before they become fathers, they might understand what it means to be a Godly man. Because you must be a Godly man before you can be a Godly husband or father. I will cover Godly men another day, but for now, I wish to focus on the aspect of a Godly father. Over my nearly nineteen years living on earth, I can’t remember having that Godly of a father figure. Sure he took the family to church, he read his little devotional in the morning before starting the day… In reality though, he made me want to push God away. I wanted nothing to do with God if that was what it meant to be a Godly person. So many times, my father would pray before heading out on a road trip, and the first person to cut him off would cause my dad to go into a fit. He loved to say “waste of a life”. That stamped in me for the longest time the wrong picture of a Christian. I had this idea that as long as you prayed, went to church, and read the Bible you were saved. Ignorant old me didn’t like that, I wanted something that I had to put effort into, I wanted to earn. So by the age of the ten I’d read through the Bible a couple times. I wanted to understand it in every way possible. And after reading and reading, I began to understand something that haunts me. I didn’t have a Biblical father. In the long run I’ve come to understand and I’ve come to grips with it. Because I do have THE Biblical father, I have God as my father.

           So what does the Bible say about being a biblical father? Well, first of all, I’d like to start with a short and simple verse. To be a father, you must have to have a child… How it works. Well, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This is the perfect place to start, a father isn’t supposed to control their child’s life. He’s meant to be the first spiritual guide in their life. A father should guide, and train their child in the way of the Lord and trust that their child will live the way of the Lord. When a father to controls and micromanages a child’s life, they tend to become so upset with their father because when they become of age, when they reach sixteen or eighteen, they will feel called by God to walk their own path. Father’s should not be provoking their children to anger, they need to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). I know your first comment, “They should suck it up since it says Honor your father and mother”, yes, but just before that last passage, verses 1-4 say “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Notice something in the few passages I’ve shared so far, nowhere does it say protect them so that no harm ever comes to them. That’s not found anywhere, because that’s not what God asks of fathers. It does say in Proverbs 14:26 “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” A father must fear the Lord, he must show his family kindness and love. He shouldn’t anger them, or provoke them He is supposed to be the light to God, and supply a fortress for the cruelties of the world. A father should guide and teach, not control. He should listen and care, not force his ways. Simply put, a father should love his wife, and his family, as God loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Did God control them so that they were never hurt by things of the world? No, he guided them, taught them, and when they got hurt, he provided a fortress for them to retreat to.

Forcing something down someone’s throat never works. It’s human nature to fight when being forced. A father can only teach and guide God’s will. For their children are free souls who are lost and searching for a home. A father’s job is to help their child’s soul find a place in God. Controlling will only make it worse. To finish, I’d like to share one more passage that really sums up the point I’m trying to get across, 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” A father sends his child out, encourages them, and charges them. A father does not control, or force them to live his ways, trying to force his ideals upon his child. He should teach and show, but forcing will only hurt the relationship between the father and child, and I have had seen this first hand. I intend to practice teaching and guiding when I become a father, if that be God’s will. I hope I’m able to raise them to be God fearing souls, but I know that I can’t force them, I can only show them the love and grace that God’s shown me by saving my life. Thank you, God bless.

The Fear.

"I've been worrying, that my time is a little unclear. I've been worrying, that I'm losing the ones I hold dear. I've been worrying that we all, live our lives in the confines of fear." These poetic words are from the amazing song "The Fear" by singer song writer Ben Howard. I have loved this song for the longest time, ever since I first heard it. Everybody has that song that they just connect to, I mean, that's what music is for, to express feelings that just can't be described in simple words. Feelings that need a poetic feel with great rhythm and harmony. Only thing will this feelings be properly displayed. Well, I love this song for one main reason, I live in fear. I battle fear, I always have and I probably always will. It's a constant fear, living in the anxiety and fear. I know first hand what it can do to a person. I struggle constantly, but I am working on being better. Fear shouldn't control us, fear should help us, but not control us. I always liked the quote, "If you don't like the way things are, then change them." No matter what situation you're in, no matter how bad it is, you can always change it. Whether it be how you perceive the challenge, or if you just face it and get it over with. You can always change it. All it takes is 20 seconds of courage, and I promise good things will happen. (Taken from the great movie, We Bought A Zoo). So, go out and fix it, good things don't come to those who just wait, good things come to those who go make it happen. Start working, as I am, on overcoming fears and doubts and anxieties.

Constantly worrying, living in fear, plagued by questions of doubt and pain... It's all something that I'm sure a lot of people battle with. It's a battle of the mind and the heart. It's something that feels so beyond our control, but the truth is we all have the capability of overcoming fears and doubts and pains. We have people who love us and care about us, simply talking to them, asking for support can help over come that fear, or whatever it is that plagues you. No one can beat it on there own.

Everyone seems to prefer a different type of support to over come that fear though, you just need to know what people want and also know what you like to hear from people. For some, you need a motivational boost to overcome. You need that song, that youtube video or whatever it is that gets you amped up and ready to go. Others seem to just need support, they need to know you're there for them, just talking to them even if it has nothing to do what the problem is. They'll truly appreciate you just being there. So take the time to know what kind of support you need to face that fear, or to settle you down from that anxiety attack, after all, "no man is an island."

Fear can be found everywhere, there's different levels of fear and there are a too many reasons to count. Just know that something that everyone has their own fears, you can't control them, and you really can't just tell them to get over it. Fear has roots, dig to the roots, find the cause, then work it all out of the ground. It takes time, but would you prefer to continually have that fear, or would you like to rip it out of the ground and no longer have that fear? I know that I'd love to just rip out my fears and doubts, but guess what, it takes time. It may not be enjoyable, and they may make you want to leave them till they are better, but it really is best to stay and help them.

Knowing you have someone there is key, and I know you're both reading this so thank you for being there. I know I'm a pest and it can't be too enjoyable being around me or listening to me when I'm having the anxiety attack or am in so much fear, but you've never left and I don't think you ever will. So thank you so much. I'm very sorry for all I've put you two through.

So there's my take on fear and anxiety I guess. Everyone deals with it in someway shape or form. For many like me, it seems to be a consistent and constant battle within yourself. Be there for them, they need you. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Nothing

Nothing is truly something. This blog post will probably be short, and to be honest, may not be that amazing because after all, I'm attempting to write about nothing. But, nothing isn't really in my mind. "What's wrong?" "Nothing..." Is typically (like 99.99% of the time) a lie. There's always some form of pain, always some kind of issue, so really, nothing is usually something. Why do we think we can hide behind this facade of nothing which isn't even there. Something must be the matter, sure you may not know what the issue is now but what's the point of hiding? Really, there is no point... That emotion and pain will come out eventually so why hold it in the box of "nothing".

In a previous post I talked about how making a conscious decision can have a positive influence on how your day plays out. Use the idea of nothing to your advantage for that. When disappointment arises typically the fault is that you expected too much of something. To combat that, I try to expect little to nothing out of situations, sure it sounds kind of sad... But when something great happens and my expectations were so minimal, I have an overwhelming sense of happiness! It's so amazing to see something great happen when you only expected ok things.

Nothing is always something, but nothing will help you make something of every situation. Sorry for such a short post, hopefully I can come up with a better topic next week. Thanks for reading.

Public Displays...

When in a committed relationship with a single person, it is common for them to hold hands, hug, put their arm around the other, and maybe kiss if they feel comfortable doing that. To be honest, couples should decide on how physical they will get. Physicality in a relationship is far from uncommon, but it is vital that you respect your partners boundaries. Respect is truly what it boils down to.

It is very important that the two partners sit and converse on such an issue. If you pressure someone into doing something they don't want to do, what usually happens? They break, they become upset, they get offensive towards their partner. All of these are unhealthy in a relationship and can be avoided by just respecting each others boundaries. Boundaries are there for a reason, they let the other know where you are comfortable. Do not be afraid to share with your partner your concern and your boundaries, and be sure you listen attentively to your partners. Everyone wants to be heard, but a lot of times no one cares to listen. Take the time, it may save you a lot of pain and baggage in the future. Majority of baggage from a relationship is going too quickly or too far physically when you really didn't want to. Save yourself, and your partner just in case you two split. If it works out and you're married, you've got your whole lives to do things. May be kind of awkward talking/reading about this, but seriously people, save that all for marriage! Dating and engagement periods are meant to get to know that person on a deeper emotional and mental level. Marriage is when the true physical connection should happen. Spend time talking to your partner when in a relationship/dating/engaged. Get to know them as well as possible, see if you could really handle living with them in the future, get an idea of what they are like in every possible scenario, but save yourself's the possible pain and baggage of more than mental and emotional ties. Because somethings, like physical attachment, can never be repaired or forgotten.

RESPECT! It goes a long way. The childish answer of "He doesn't respect me so why should I respect him!" is just that... Childish. A mature person understands that receiving respect requires showing respect to others. So when it comes to setting boundaries, respect is absolutely necessary. Respect your partner, do not push for more than what they are willing to give you. If you show them respect in this category, they will certainly show respect for you in other categories. Too many people look at a relationship as give and take 50% each... I want to live my relationship(s) as more, I'll give 75% and expect 25% in return. Because guess what? When you both expect 25% from your partner, but give each other 75% you will both be pleasantly surprised when you receive 75% instead of 25%. Make sense? I hope so... If not, just understand that when you give more and expect less and your partner does the same, everyone is happy. Happiness, joy, caring, and true love can be so important in a relationship. So when talking about physicality with your partner, respect that boundary, show them, prove to them that you will not cross their boundary. Give them your total focus, and don't push it. Respecting each other leads to big things in a relationship.

So, I suppose you're wondering what my boundaries are. When I look at the spectrum of "decent" to not so decent things... I'd say I will honestly do what my partner wishes to a point. I find no problem in holding hands, because, as the amazing and brilliant Topanga Lawrence said in my favorite show "Boy Meets World"... "Holding hands is like touching souls". So really, such an innocent and simple thing like holding hands can be amazing. I personally see no issue in holding hands, hugging, linked arms... Minor touching is no big deal to me, as long as it is only with your partner and nobody else. Kissing is different, shouldn't be done till both parties are ready. Many people wait to kiss on their wedding day, good for them. Everyone is different, each person has their own standards. So I will respect my eventual partners boundaries and I will not take more than they will give. I respect them, and in turn I believe they'll respect me.

So sit down with them, do it somewhere private it, and try to keep the awkwardness down. Be mature, be respectful. I promise good things will happen. Thank you so much for reading, hope you found this insightful and possibly helpful.

More Than "Friends"...

This basic idea that is so misconstrued by society, the idea of being in a relationship and dating is something that is important to me. I have very set ideas about being in a relationship and I know that society nowadays differs from my view. Being in a relationship is not just something to do so you can have the “right” to call someone yours. A deeper relationship than friends is a chance to connect with someone on levels that friends just can’t have, you’ll get to learn about that person, you’ll find out what makes them tick, learn what really makes them who they are.

I feel as though people these days miss the main idea of being in a relationship, it seems like all they care about is having that title and having bragging rights of having someone. Why is that such a big deal? That is someone’s heart you’re playing with, and even though you may only care about having the ability to say that you “got someone” they may truly care about the relationship. This is where so many people get hurt, they don’t talk about what they want in the relationship before entering it. Make your ideals known, let that “special” person know what you want/need in a relationship. Enter a relationship with a purpose, not just because you can.

I would also like to share my idea of the purpose of being in a relationship and dating. In my eyes, the main purpose is to get to know someone on a deeper level than friends. Yes, you can get to know someone as friends, you can learn and see if you two connect, but being in a relationship will allow you to see deeper into their heart. It will give you a chance to connect on a deeper, more emotionally intimate level. I personally believe that a relationship or dating is a chance to see and get a feel if that person is the one you’d be willing to spend your life with. Starting out slow, just getting to know each other deeper than friends, then as you two grow together in spirit and your hearts grow intertwined, then you’ll either know if they are “the one” or it wasn’t meant to be. Relationships need to be treated respectfully, they are stepping stone to greater things, don’t enter one because you want to be able to say you got someone, enter one because you truly care about someone. Because you want to see if you two are really compatible.

Relationships are not an easy thing, they take effort, but they can be well worth it if done properly. I have a couple suggestions to help you in your relationships.

1. Start a friendship and just let it grow… This is so important in a relationship, were you two friends first? Ok, yeah there are people who randomly meet each other at a bar or something, but majority of the time I’d suggest getting to know them as a friend before you take another step. Why waste the time in a relationship if you two really don’t connect as friends? Wouldn’t you love to be able to marry your best friend? Sounds like a dream, but it is reality, you can do it. Start as friends, get to know them, when you both feel like taking that next step then do it.

2. Family always comes first… No matter how far you are in a relationship I believe it is vital to have family come first. You two may be boyfriend and girlfriend but when a sister, brother, mom, or dad want to talk, let your “partner” know you got to go for a bit, they should understand this. Family should always be at the top of the list of priorities. To be in a great relationship you really don’t need talk 24/7, yes it is nice but it isn’t necessary. Time with family is however necessary. So don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend you are going to go do some family stuff, they should understand. If they don’t, you may want to reevaluate that relationship.

3. Morally focused… This is a tough one to describe. I believe in God, I have a relationship with God. But I know everyone is not like me, but I know everyone has a conscious. Personally I believe to have a strong and powerful relationship it is truly vital to have God as the center piece. Need to be open with each other about your emotions, your feelings, and your faith. If what’s going on doesn’t coincide with what you believe speak up. In a strong Christian relationship you should challenge each other to be stronger Christians. Pray together, read scripture together, do a weekly devotion together. Never lose sight of what is most important in your life.

Relationships aren’t easy, they take effort, but that is why there are two people. Both parties work together, they feed off each other. I have found my best friend, I am working on implementing the last two ideas on this “friendship” so that when we get to enter a relationship we will be able to handle it.

Parent involvement/approval will make the relationship better, knowing that the parents accept it, and are ok with it can take a tremendous strain off of the two people. Don’t enter a relationship till you truly feel ready. Age has no correlation to wisdom, being young shouldn’t stop you from what you really want, an 18 year old may be a lot wiser than people give them credit for. Yes, I understand parents don’t want to see their kids get hurt, but as we grow up we need to learn on our own. How can we learn if we don’t experience things for ourselves?

There it is, my view on relationships/dating. I hope this helps you in your relationships. Hope you have a great day, God bless.

A Single Choice

This may be a fairly short post, sorry for that, but it is something that has really helped me lately, so I hope you enjoy!!

What if a single choice could change your whole day? Would you make that choice? What if by simply saying, I am breathing and moving so I will enjoy my day to its fullest, we could change our view about the whole day? Reality is though, we can say something like that, believe it in our hearts, and we will have a relatively good day. Now sure there are thing which can ultimately ruin your day, but in the grand scheme of things, majority of things that ruin peoples days are so minuscule that they shouldn't really effect the person. I understand that there are other things that cause people to break down but that tends to be a build up of stress and pain from previous events. Had a bad day at work, you begin to not want to go, then you have another bad day and you begin to hate the idea of going to work. Meanwhile, you could be saying, "I don't love my job, but it's a job. I GET to go to work, I Get to earn money." The moment you start saying GET instead of HAVE your attitude will change and you may actually find an enjoyable thing about your job or your school work.

Yes, I know this really isn't that easy of a thing to do, but it is something that can greatly effect you in the long run. You'll no longer feel overwhelmed or stressed out. Who knows, you may begin to enjoy life. We were all put here for a purpose, we all have something inside us that needs to be shared, a story that will be told. I can guarantee you that your purpose is not to find every negative detail in life and live in the pain of having no enjoyment. The meaning of life is to give life a meaning. Life happens, no doubt about it. Things happen that aren't good, and then great things happen. We all have the conscious choice of letting those bad things tear us down to where we miss all the good.

Your view on life can be changed by simple looking at it from a different view. For example, you are running late for work, majority of people would think "aww crap, I'm going to be late for work." well, try thinking, "At least I have a job to go to." Simply changing your view on something that is happening to you at that moment will greatly effect you mode. People will enjoy being around you, they won't be turned off from you. Work to make a decision to view your life from a relaxed state where you can see what good is in it.

Hope you enjoyed this, was something I've been working on and I figured I should share it with you all.