Craziness of Life

HELLO!!! Sorry, didn't mean to yell at you, I'm just excited because I've officially moved out the parents house and I am out conquering the world all on my own! Hence why I've failed to post anything in a fairly long time... No, I didn't die... Just got busy and totally forgot I had a blog until I just recently got an email asking about it. So here it is, the start of my effort to do a better job at writing on here. It should be a bit easier for me now considering I live on my own with super good wifi and a decent amount of actual personal time. Hopefully that equates to some very thoughtful and deep posts in the near future. Am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe, because it always seems that I think I'll get back to posting almost weekly but I seem to always get lost in the hussle bussle of life. That's ok, because I promise I'm going to make my best effort, and hopefully me living on my own works in my favor for that.

Well I hope all you readers are doing well and are enjoying the great changes in the world today. So much in world news going on that it's been difficult to keep up. The Cubs won the World Series for the first time in like 108 years or something like that... Donald Trump actually ran for President of the United States and actually won! (Who would have thought... oh wait, I predicted he'd win as soon as he announced he was running.) But yeah, in the craziness that is life, there are a few things that I have found that will help you keep grounded and mentally strong.

1. Do what makes you happy;
   It's as simple as that... Just do what makes you happy. In your hectic schedule make time to do something that makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself. (Trust me, I should know what a hectic schedule looks like, working a full time and part time job, in a serious relationship, and training for the national bowling tournament keeps me busy). So, no matter what you do you need to make time for you, whether that be a spa day, or a few hours to just play games or to just take a much deserved nap, make time to do what makes you happy.

2. Don't lose sight of your goals;
   Some people joke that with my work schedule how it is, how do I make time for my girlfriend or do I even remember that I have one. My response to that is simple, I work my butt of to help us start off better. I am not afraid to shy away from the fact that her and I will be getting married (only thing that might change that would be a tragic death or something like that). So basically, the reason I picked up the second job was because I wanted to move out which would prove to her parents that I can support myself which would mean I could support her, making it more likely for them to say yes to us getting married. The reason I'm able to work so many hours and keep going is because I know that my hard work now will pay off when I reach my goals, and this is very helpful. So never lose sight of your goals, and if you don't have any, make some. Goals give you direction and purpose and that is something everyone needs in life.

3. Like a grain of salt;
   My final thought about how to find more enjoyment in your crazy life is to take the negatives like a grain of salt. If you know me personally you know that it takes a lot for me to really get down and get knocked out. I have a mentality that everything happens for a reason. I may not know what that reason is and I may never know, but I refuse to dwell on most things and let them ruin my whole mood. Life is for the living so you might as well live it, enjoy it, and don't quit on it because life doesn't quit. If you stop to moan and complain then you miss out something enjoyable because life doesn't stop, it'll keep going with or without you. Scary thought, but also a good one, so keep up and enjoy the ride.

So there we have it, my first post in a very long time and hopefully not my last post. I love getting a chance to think through some things and it's very helpful to just voice my opinions on here. I'll certainly try to keep up and keep coming up with things to post!

Food for thought: Word Poem Time

Hello again! Long time no see. I'm happy to finally get to sit down and write a blog post! It's been too long, like really too long and I'm deeply sorry for that. I'm really struggling to keep up. Anyhow, I came up with some thoughts on my way home dealing with the concept of enjoying what you have. Well, at the same time the other side of my mind fought for the idea of striving and fighting for what you want. So where does this put me? Somewhere in-between contentment and determination... So, I decided to start writing a spoken word poem, something I've not done in some time. So please, do bear with me as it's been a while since I've written like this.


A never ending cycle of giving up your happiness for time, which you then trade for money, and you use that money to buy things that make you happy.
No matter where you start in this circle, you end up where you left off.
Like running around the world.
I dream of a day I can just be happy, but that day is not today.
Contentment isn't something you strive to get because you already have it.
No matter who you are, you can find things you already have and are happy with.
But I want more. I stand here, watching the sun go down and curse myself for failing to achieve a dream today.
Every day goes by, the clock achingly turns time on, and yet I continue to stand right there.
I have these dreams. But they just seem unattainable.
I have contentment, but I still want more.
Because where is the fun in life if you sit there starring at the cat walk across the lawn, when you're the german shepherd.
Don't you just want to chase it?
There isn't anything holding ya back.
So get running, and get that cat. Get that dream.
I just want more in life.
I want the good times and the bad times.
I want the sun rises and sets, and days where all you see are clouds.
My life isn't bad, but it's not as good as it could be. And there, is where my contentment lies.
I see, like a carrot on a stick in front of me the finish lines that I've already passed.
I see banners and ribbons for accomplishments that mean nothing to me now.
At one time yes, they meant the world, but now they're a paper weight.
So I stand here, watching the sun set once again, feeling like I failed to reach my lofty goals...
Feeling like I never even took a step or moved at all...
Until I realize, I'm on a massive spinning and orbiting ball.

So there it is, honestly, not that great of a poem, but it' was kind of a "blah" release all my thoughts. In theory, the point I'm trying to convey is that my contentment ends where I am right now. Sure, I'm happy with what I have, I have a decent job that helps me get through life. But I'm not making the most of my life and I feel like I'm stuck in the spot. That is, until I realize, that many things take time to be accomplished, and nothing ever happens overnight. My bowling instructor always tells me, "Hear about the overnight sensation" and I say "nope" to which he responds, "Exactly." So keep in mind, that even though you may feel like you've gotten nowhere, any step, no matter how big or small is in the right direction. You can accomplish anything in life if you set your mind to it. Am I happy to be content with where I am at? Sure, I'd be happy. But would I be happy accomplishing more? Oh yeah I would be. In short, being content with what you have shows you've reached your smaller goals, so don't be afraid to be content, but don't be afraid to look at the further than where you are.

Thank you for reading, once again, I'll try not to wait so long to come up with another post.

Music has a deeper meaning

The very first thing you hear in your life is a heart beat. When you’re laying there in your mothers womb, you can hear her heart beat. Some soon to be parents will put head phones to the mothers stomach and play classics in hopes that it helps their child’s brain development. From such an early age (in some cultures before you’re even born) you’re hearing and feeling a beat. Music isn’t just something we enjoy and listen to it is something that we can’t live without. Even in the most simple sense of the word, it surrounds us and it fills our lives. Disagree with me all you’d like, but I just want to ask a few questions…

First, describe music…  Webster’s dictionary says, “The science or art of ordering tones or sounds in succession, in combination, and in temporal relationships to produce a composition having unity and continuity.” I’d like to challenge this thought though. In life, think of where you hear a recurring beat, or series of different notes that sounds beautiful. More than likely, you woke up to this sound this morning. Birds chirping is such a common occurrence, and that sound can be recalled across the world over more than likely. Birds singing a song just outside your window is one of the sweetest sounding things to wake up to. Their music is sweet and lovely and falls softly on awakening ears. On the other end of that spectrum, your alarm clock makes music, now, I know everyone might agree it’s horrible sounding music, but it is still music. As simple as it may be, one repetitive note hammered continuously until your still asleep body slaps the clock until it falls back to sleep as well. 

So there you have it, almost immediately in your day you’re introduced to song/music/rhythm or whatever you wish to call it. It surrounds you and you can’t escape music.

Why did I bring this up? It’s fairly simple really, and I’d love to explain it here in the following paragraphs. Many people hate or are disgusted with life. They fail to find beauty in the simplest places and they struggle to enjoy what happy moments they have. Now, everyone should have their favorite genre of music. And speaking from a psychological stand point, that genre of music more than likely have a direct correlation to how you live. Take myself for example, I listen to basically all indie/acoustic music. Many people say I’m a down to earth rooted kind of guy. Through the issues I’ve had I find the lyrical content and the emotion expressed through it soothing. I get lost in thought with some songs as they really express the feelings that I had failed to describe earlier in life. My favorite music really influences me in life as I’m “chill” and I just go with what happens generally. (I’m anything but hipster, I’m just going to put that out there. I’m not cool enough to be a hipster.) Now let me tell you about an old high school “friend” all he did with his life was drink monster, and would listen to heavy metal and basically scream-o music. Now, don’t get me wrong, I see absolutely no issues with liking that music and chugging monster (I drink Red Bull a lot), but I’m using them as an example to display how music influences your life. Now when I say they listen to that kind of music, I mean that’s all they listened to, and it showed. They were a fairly aggressive and violent person. Their persona, being a big tough person, came from the music they listened to, they couldn’t let basic things roll off them, they’d just get pissed and want to fight you. 

Some time ago, I was in the car with my parents listening to my phone as a normal teen would do, and my dad made the comment of “You should listen to this, it’ll cure what ails ya” talking about the radio station he was turning up (Smile Fm, a Christian radio station). Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with Christian music, but it doesn’t do much for me, just reminds me not of how holy but it reminds me of how hole-y I am. I’m a sinner, I’m a broken person and that music doesn’t help me with my emotions, where as Indie does, it helps me but what I feel into words because I fail with words. What I’m getting at is this though, music will cure what ails you. Whether you listen to emo-punk, goth, indie, rap, country, christian, R&B, or classical, or anything else for the matter, it will help you. You were born to the sound of a beat, a rhythm. You wake up to one as well, and you’re surrounded daily by music. So take some time, listen to music that really touches you. Lay in a field with some headphones in and just get lost in the sound, or get lost in the music nature has supplied. No matter what, music is around you and it is a necessity in life. In history you see music was used as a way to preserve stories for later generations. Now, with so many different instruments, and genres, and musicians, and ways to listen, you should have no problem finding some music that you like. I also think it’s interesting, and would like to see you pay attention to it, how does the music you listen to influence our life? How you act and respond to people. I’d love to know if the music you listen to actually effects you. So try a new genre, you listen to rap all the time? Listen to some classical and see how you feel, see how you begin to think. 

That’s it, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy some music today, whether it is the birds singing, the rhythm your car makes as you go down the free way, or from the radio in your car. Enjoy life “little” things, like music.

Presence Of Purpose

Sorry for the delay, life really sweeps you off your feet and keeps you busy sometimes. Well, here it is though, the latest installment of my thoughts onto a page. I hope you enjoy and find my thoughts riveting and provoking, and I hope they get you thinking about some things yourself.

The presence of purpose is often absent. Many people at a young age are called to what they want to be, and honestly it scares me. There are kids that at the age of 15 know exactly what they want to do with their life's. Now, after my minimal studies of the human brain, the brain isn't fully developed until 25. So kids, 10 years before their brain is developed has made up their ever changing mind on what they want to be... Now, I'm certainly not saying it is impossible, I'm just saying it's unlikely they'll enjoy what they do as much as they thought would. So why is it that we put so much pressure on "children" (in mental development 18 year olds could very well be considered a child). Within in a few years, these adolescents will go from having to ask to use the restroom to deciding what they want to do with their lives. With those types of expectations it's no wonder that many college kids seem to burn out and get swept away in the party scene rather than the education scene.

So, what is the purpose of this post? Well, it's actually to help people understand the purpose of life... Or, honestly, the lack there of. I've struggled constantly with the idea of purpose. "What am I here for?" "What am I good at?" "What will I ever do with my life?" as I'm sure many of you reading have experienced as well. I'm just going to put it out there now, this is absolutely not an answer to possibly the number one issue that people my age face. This, is simply my testimony as to the things I found as I searched for a purpose to my life. Here goes nothing;

I ponder the questions of my mind constantly, and often times my thought process is more just a fix to a problem or an reason for an action rather than a conversation, even with myself. Well, I had the question of purpose get smashed to the front of my brain, and I had no choice but to think about it. What caught me off guard was the fact I had a conversation in my mind rather than my mind just giving me an answer... You know what I realized? I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. After just coming out of some hard times, I felt like I had so many doors in front of me but every single one was shut and locked. Even now, I constantly stand before doors with a sign hanging on it saying what I could do if I had the key to this door, and in my hand was a key chain chocked full of keys.

The idea that I'm getting at is this, even though I have no clue what I want with my life, I went with my feelings or thoughts at the time. Previously I'd been involved greatly with the financial field so I pursued a career in finance. Now, I'm pursuing a PhD in Psychology. Massive difference, but as my brain developed I understood better what impacted me on a more personal level. When thinking about Econ, all I see are dollar signs. When I think about Psychology I see something greater. I see potential to grow a field through research of ideas that people previously thought inconceivable. What led me to pursue this dream in Psychology was actually my girlfriend. She pointed out to me how much I seemed to enjoy reading Psych books, and how excited I got when given the chance to talk about them. Now, I'm proof that the mind changes, just a couple years ago I'd been this devoted to Econ as I am now to Psych. Well, I wasn't 25 yet. Honestly though, I don't think that number really matters. There's always new things being revealed and you're learning new things.

You see the point I'm getting to? Like I talked about previously, learning massive amounts about a subject that most people wouldn't bat an eyelash at is something that I constantly do. As I learned more about certain things, I found that I enjoyed certain things more than others. Well, I try not to fret about the future too much, I try to enjoy the process of getting to that point. Honestly, I haven't got the slightest clue as to what I really will be doing with my life, but I know that where ever this winding road takes me, I'll be happy. It may seem sometimes I'm going aimlessly about, but trust me, there is a method to my madness, and that madness is actually enjoying the journey more than wondering about the destination. That is what I think is key to life. Life's purpose is to enjoy it. So like those burnt out college students who don't have a clue what they are doing (or where they are when they wake up the morning after big party) enjoy the process of finding where you're headed to. Some of you may be headed to a big office high in a skyscraper, others may be headed to a simple desk job, and others may be headed to a life in the manual labor force building the buildings that business people will work in. No matter what you end up being or doing with life, all of our lives have the same destination, and sadly that's death. Your job? Is going to just be a part of the journey, so why not enjoy the journey, cause in reality we all know where we are headed.

Enjoy life, do what you love to do and I promise you will not be disappointed with the way things turn out. I'm reminded of a funny movie that I love to go back and watch, "Accepted". It's about Bartleby who creates a college after getting denied from every college he applied to. He has no clue what he wants to be, but through the journey he figures out his place. He's a pioneer of a university and a new way of learning. There are some parts of the movie that are off but over all it's a funny and good movie to see.

So there, sorry for babbling on, I hope this all made sense. So, if you're like me and unsure what you really will be doing or achieving in your life, I pray you find a way to enjoy the journey.

Taken With Novelty

"'Is this it for you? Is this all you'll ever do?'
Her smile, collapsed, that tightly strapped-in pasty skin went loose. Her heart fell crooked.
She said (not knowing my real name) 'I can tell buddy, by the mini thins and the way you drive... We're booth taken with novelty. We've believed in mean gods. We both spend our money on things that break too easily like... people."

This little blurb here is from a spoken word poem that I've really fell in love with. It's "Convenience Stores" by Buddy Wakefield. Well, this part of the poem got me thinking... Novelty. What is novelty in the first place? Well, according to most dictionaries it'd be described as "the quality of being new, original, or unusual." I wonder though, why does novelty have to be new? Why can't we constantly be taken by novelty, why can't we all see the world like it is amazing every day?

Looking at the world as if it were new and unique, what would that do to us? In all honesty, I think it'd be beneficial for people to start looking at the world in a different light. It's true, the more you know the worse it is. Often that quote is said about military movies, but I think that can be used in all aspects of life. Now, I'm guessing only some of you live in mid Michigan, but take for example the current weather.... SNOW! Now, I love snow... But I also love summer... So, I'm laying here, thinking about how beautiful it is, but say I was a child or from like desert areas, where I'd never seen snow before. How would I react to this white powder falling from the sky? Honestly, I'm not sure, but I bet I'd just be going nuts. I mean, really, if you'd never seen something how would you respond? Think about it for a minute...

Kids, they are astounded by the simplest of things, when they are young they keep asking "why", they want to know and they want to learn. That is the kind of mind I want to have. I want to constantly expand my thinking by seeing things in a new light. Even the simplest things like snow.

Now, as much as I agree with that thinking of the more you know the less you enjoy it... But come to think of it, I honestly think that in someways knowing more will actually be great. To me, knowledge is powerful and in some ways knowing more about something can make it better! Call me crazy, I know, but sometimes, having a vast knowledge of something can allow you to share that with people who don't know as much. Just the other day, I was over taken with joy when I found out that due to the fact that platypuses are a solitary animal, there is no true collective noun for them, but "paddle" is what would be used if you ever saw a group of platypuses! Like, really, isn't that amazing! Not only that, they're a mammal that lays an egg! Insanity! Sorry, I'll calm down...

Do you get what I'm talking about though? So here's a challenge from you, take things in life not as a grain of salt but as a mountain of knowledge that you can obtain! Do some research, you can always find some interesting things on Google about topics that you come across. So today, I challenge you to take something that would often be considered minuscule and do research. Start today, learn something you never knew about an average topic. Learn to see things that cause you to be taken with novelty, enjoy life, and the things you can learn from simple little topics. Enjoy the little things!!!! Be overtaken with great novelty! I think you'll enjoy it!

Gifted With Support

Hello all! I'm so sorry for not posting anything in a rather long time... I've been caught up at work and school and yeah... Really haven't had much time to write. But, the long wait is over, here is another post for your visual consumption!

As of late I've been feeling challenged, I've been feeling pushed towards a degree and career in a field I'd always been intrigued by but never thought much about. I've had my focus turned towards the brilliant degree that is psychology. Previously, if you follow me on instagram, you'd have noticed that my lovely girlfriend got me a great book for christmas. Well, she followed that up on valentines with another very good book. Both of these books delve deep into psychology subjects, and as she said, I devoured them. Well, I've found myself diving head first into psychology and truly loving it. Now, onto the subject of this post...

All through school you hear from fellow classmates and teachers about your abilities. You either hear, "Wow Billy, very smart of you, wonderful job!" and you receive high praise and high expectations, or, you hear your teachers say, "Good job Billy" and hand back a paper with a decent grade on it. Or, if you're like me, you often hear from teachers, "I don't think you understand the subject matter, you need to try harder." Often times followed by low expectations on your projects or homework. Well, for the longest time I'd grown up thinking I wasn't smart enough and wasn't going to amount to much because I never seemed to understand the subject matter.

So here I am, 19 going on 20, feeling like I'm not really smart enough or able enough to complete higher education. My girlfriend however has implemented in me a thought of having the ability, a thought of being smart enough. Lately, after receiving booth these amazing books and practically devouring them and learning from them, my girl listens to me go on and on about them. She then informs me of how smart I am. She convinced me to take an IQ test, if you can believe the scores that are earned have any relation to a persons intelligence, and well, to her amusement I scored fairly high on them. Now that I am in college, the one psych class I've taken, the professor would respond to my papers with high praise, and I felt good and felt as thought they expected that so I fulfilled that in the ensuing papers.

I'm not telling you all of this to toot my own horn, or to make myself sound like some kind of brainiac nerd because I identify as the furthest thing from. Yes, I've grown a knack for reading and I have a book list that would make most heads turn, but you can thank my girl for that. I tell you this in hopes that some parents, teachers, and even students will read this and learn something. My hope is that they'd learn to be a generous support system for young students. I'm not talking about a personal support where you help through life, as much as that is needed, educational support is needed more. Students struggle for a few reasons, focus is lost, motivation is killed. Students, especially younger children thrive off of what teachers and parents think and show. We subliminally communicate expectations that other unconscious minds pick up on, and kids minds can easily pick up on the supposedly unbiasedness of teachers. Students who constantly fail will see in the teacher a low expectation, they'll be ridiculed by their smarter classmates and they'll begin to think they'll end up flipping burgers. That was me.

Studies have proven the fact, that the "naturally" born gifted children weren't born that way, they were nurtured that way. Parents often times have expectations for their children, and the kids can read that on an unconscious level and they more than often achieve the expectations. They give 50 kids an IQ test, and handed the results to the teacher and marked 25 of the children as "extremely gifted" one year later, the same scientists give the same test to the same kids, on average, the kids gained about 5 points on the test. But those 25 that were labeled and viewed as gifted received higher expectations from the teachers and parents, their test scores improved on average by 20 points and at most 40 points. You can't tell me that supporting and having expectations for your kids doesn't help.

I'm not by any means saying that by simply having expectations for your children or students they'll achieve them, because there are always exceptions to the rule. But, if you consciously make an effort to support your children and have high expectations, your unconscious mind will send messages to theirs, and they'll be more likely to succeed in reaching your expectations. So there we go, some food for thought, and if you don't believe me you should, because I went from a kid who was close to flunking out of high school, to someone who is actively thinking about working to achieve a PhD in psychology. I went from reading a book in a year to reading 2 books in the past month by simply receiving support and receiving high praise along with high expectations from people I care about most.

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy. I'll try not to have as long a wait before my next post!

Listen closely, it is more than sound.

Sorry for the delay, and sorry for the odd Monday post... I have kind of been lost in school work and bowling. Life just keeps going, and I guess it's my job to try to keep up. Well here's my latest thoughts... Music!

So, I’m relaxing and listening to some music the other day, and come across two songs that I absolutely fall for. So, this post will be talking about both songs… They are both of done by Passenger, and quite honestly may be a few of the most honest and well worded songs I’ve ever really heard. 

In the song “Holes”, he speaks about how people struggle through life and lose things. The same time though, in losing everything, they find something greater than the all the things they lost. They find the idea of strength and courage to be an underdog. “Yeah we got holes, in our hearts, yeah we got holes, in our lives, yeah we got holes, we got holes. But we carry on.” If you’ve never heard this song, I suggest you listen to it. There’s a little language, but overall it’s an amazing song with a great moral. Another line from it that resonates with me, “Let me tell you something, when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.” The verses talk of two people he’s met, both in horrible situations, but both say what the chorus says, “Yeah we got holes… But we carry on.” This song doesn’t speak, but screams the idea that guess what, no matter how down you get… Life carries on! Isn’t that a wonderful statement? I mean, life is horrible, you may feel down and out. You may be left with holes in your hearts but the truth is everyone around you has holes. A hole from a previous relationship, a hole from parent issues. Anything and everything can cause holes. Look around you, breath, see the people walking around… You’re not alone. I have my fair share of holes. But life carries on. And that is the beauty in life, the fact we as humans carry a similar characteristic, more so than just being, well… Human.

The second song is “Little Lights”. This, to me, can be such a sad and depressing song but at the same time it conveys such a warm feeling. The idea is that we are all born with little lights, which is love, that show us the way to go in our lives. “We’re born with millions, of little lights shinning in the dark, and they show us the way. One lights up, every time we feel love in our hearts, and it dies when it goes away.” It’s such a beautiful song, talking how he’s gone trough life with all these little lights and every time that love dies in him a light goes out. You know, after listening to this song several times over the past few days, I can’t help but fall more in love with this concept. I mean, be honest with yourself, cause I’m going to be honest now… Majority of people have a conscious, a little voice in their head telling them what’s right and wrong. Unfortunately this voice fades the more and more we lie or do wrong, and it’s also silenced from the get go in some people. We all live the same life. Think, we are all born, we are all subject to events that could happen to anyone, and we all live and die. We are all filled with little hearts, unfortunately life happens and these little lights are blown out in a split second when born into broken homes and deep poverty. It’s sad to think about, but it is possible to gain lights, show love and give love. It’s as simple as that. After a dear friend of mine had committed suicide, I had saw this quote that I really like… “Be kinder than necessary, everyone is fighting a battle of some sorts.” What a beautiful thought. To be able to influence someones life for the better by simply being kind and loving. Not to mention it will certainly make you feel better too. I’ve been working on this since that horrible day I received that phone call… Another thing I read was a great story by this one girl. She was out with her boyfriend and he’d wave and smile to everyone they met. She asked him why he does that, he doesn’t know them. His response, “I heard from a few people who had failed in there attempts of suicide, they said if even a stranger had acknowledged them they may not have tried”. Umm… wow. Like, what kind of life do you really want to live, cause I know I want to live a outwardly life that effects the world for the better. Even though I may not receive much in return, the emotional gratification that I helped out is more than enough.

I guess with this post I’m just letting you know, that songs are powerful. Emotions are powerful. Everything happens for a reason and you can always change your thinking on what is happening. Listen to some music, really think about what the author/artist is trying to get across. Critical thinking is a great tool to have in all of life. Just saying…

Ignorance is Blissful for the Ignorant

It’s no secret what technology has allowed, it has opened the flood gates of the people who do not know or understand a topic to post their thoughts and opinions on that matter. At one time, I do believe ignorance is bliss and I believe that it was taught and instilled by parents that if you don’t know or understand something, listen. But in modern day, the progression of getting your voice out there and the ability to hide behind a screen has allowed people who may not be ignorant about something, but simply uninformed to voice their opinions. I’m not saying it’s wrong to let your thoughts on a subject be known, by all means, let the world know what you think, but before you post, think. Think about what you’re saying, think if it even makes sense and especially if it is even right. It’s simple and can save you a lot of embarrassment if someone who actually knows what is going on responds to your post. You’ll be at a loss for words as that persons comments cut yours to the ground. The difference between an uniformed post and a thoughtful informed one is that the later has a leg to stand on. When you use facts instead of just feelings and ideas, you have a stronger hold on the conversation (unfortunately this doesn’t mean you’ll “win” the argument).

I’m not saying this to be mean or to demean anyone. That is not my intentions at all. I simply want to help people understand the importance of understanding a subject before they make a post and make a fool of themselves. Not to classify anyone, but I see this kind of ignorant attitude in todays youth. As a senior who had studied many reports on subjects and built my opinion based off of that, I often found myself being attacked verbally by an eighth grader who had read the title of the article. It was embarrassing, mainly because their tactics didn’t allow me to get in a word. I promise, I’m not writing this to belittle anyone, I’m simply attempting to tell you that it is very important to be informed on a subject before you enter in a conversation/argument about it. 

You know, I’m just going to say it… It frightens me. It frightens me seeing how many people think they know what they are talking about as they post comments on Facebook and Twitter about things. All they seem to do is read the title and create a complex theory based off of that. There are a few parts of that that disturb me, 1) don’t believe everything you read on the internet and 2) 99% of articles seem to be written from a certain view point. You can’t take those for fact when they are written with an opinion. Everyone has opinions, and sadly to completely understand a topic (speaking a political issue or financial issues) you have to read and take in as many articles as possible based off it. Half the time I wonder if these people that comment or respond to my comments in public even read the article or just read the title. The reason this disturbs me though is because that an uninformed, naive, and ignorant society surely can’t survive. “See no (insert issue), speak no (insert issue), hear no (insert issue)” doesn’t make the problem go away! Ignorance is defined as lack of knowledge or information. Naivety is defined as lack of experience, wisdom, and judgment. The issues isn’t the lack of information though, I believe the issues is that so many people to realize that knowledge and understanding, and the reading or listening that has to be done to understand something. When you close your mind, you allow issues that are very real to slip by. Then, it comes and slaps you in the face and you wonder what the heck happened… (Education for me, just squeaked by doing minimal work all though middle and high school, but now I realize the demanding work that is required to do well in College.) 

I love the quote by the one and only Ricky Gervais, “Ignorance is bliss… For the ignorant. For the rest of us it’s a pain in the butt.” (Now, I did make it G rated as Ricky has a mouth, but you get the idea). Being ignorant may be blissful for a time, but understand that people lose respect for you for several reasons. One, because no body likes a know it all, especially when they do not know it all. Two, if you talk like you know it, but what you say shows otherwise, then all that does is make them not enjoy talking to you, if you respond with a close minded “this is the way” answer, they will not want to talk to you. Three, they don’t feel like they can talk to you. When people respond with closed mindedness, my initial response is honestly, “why am I talking still”. Ignorance makes conversation extremely difficult. 

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the whole deal in Texas right now, where a young boy who is muslim showed up to school with a clock he made to show his teachers. 1) It wasn’t show and tell day… 2) It wasn’t actually a clock (it was a clock his father brought home from the Radio Shack he works at and the boy made it so it counted down) 3) The boy took it to school in a briefcase and used wires rather than locks to hold it shut… And so many people read the title, “Muslim boy arrested for bringing clock he made to school.” The teachers weren’t being racist, they were doing their job of protecting other students. They didn’t accuse him of anything, the first teacher asked him to keep it in his locker and not take it out until he headed home, so what’d he do? Took it into the next teacher who said the same thing. So, I’m not saying you’re one of those people, but before posting on something, get the facts first. Yes it’s good and American to have an opinion, but quite honestly, you shouldn’t have an opinion until you’ve read or heard and understand the real facts. Most people think that the news hides facts, and yes I am sure they do, but there’s more news agencies than just CNN News or Fox. Listen to a few talk shows like Glenn Beck and you’ll get news with facts so that your opinion can have a leg to stand on.

I suppose that this post has been a very long and winded way of saying, “Open your eyes, ears, heart, and mind!” (Imagine I’m yelling, unless you don’t like that, then imagine I’m speaking as softly as a butterfly). Society will surely die (not that dramatic but will surely struggle) as ignorance doesn’t allow progression. Listen and learn, obtain knowledge, and live a wonderful life full of interesting thoughts and ideas. Whether you want to accept it or not, the issues of life are there and very real, and they will come up to get you whether you acknowledge their existence or not. Oddly enough, one of the biggest issues I see, is ignorance, and this needs to be fixed. No more 12 year olds acting like they know everything and responding harshly to someone who has actually looked into and studied that subject. It’s hurtful, and it’s going to lead to issues as the people who know something aren’t going to be allowed to talk. So yeah, please, I beg of you, read, take in, and listen. Especially if you are not totally sure on stuff, even then, listen to what they have to say. Sure you win arguments when you don’t let them talk, but you lose companions or friends at the same time. So listen, who knows, they may have an idea you hadn’t thought about. I’m sorry if this is accusatory, I don’t mean it to be, I’m trying to shed light on the fact that ignorance can and will drive society into the ground. So I’m asking you, and I’m doing it too, to look into a story, get the facts, find the reality before creating and basing an opinion on the title of the article. Thanks for reading.

Happy is a yuppie word...

I am convinced, that happy is truly a yuppie word. Now, before you look at me like I’m crazy and I’m trying to be Dr. Seuss, understand this… Yuppie is a word, and it’s a pretty great adjective describing a person (for the fact that it sounds). Yuppie is defined as a well-paid young upper middle-class individual working in the city and living a luxurious lifestyle. So, now that you understand what “yuppie” means, I can begin to make my statement and describe to you why I truly believe that happy is a yuppie word. Although, maybe I will restate that, “happy is a word for the yuppie” makes a little more sense maybe… or not. At least it makes sense to me! And hopefully as I describe this, it might make sense to you too! Or… maybe not. Oh well.

When you think of happy, what’s the first thought that comes to mind? Usually, good memories, times spent with family, or your significant other or what not. That would be the typical answer when asked about happiness, for obvious reasons. Now think about joyous times? That’s a tad bit harder. There is barely a handful of times in my life that I can recall that I felt joy. Joy is an after thought, when you suffer with depression. Oddly enough, when you’re in a hole in life and suffering in the deep darkness of depression… all you want to feel is love and happiness. But honestly, looking back, the root was happiness. Or so I thought. Because I wanted to be happy with friends and family who cared. I wanted my old heart that was wrapped in a cast to be signed by those who cared. I sat their daily, begging for signatures as if I was holding a petition for something unruly, and all I seemed to get were noses stuck up at me. Happiness escaped me, along with joy and love, and all the emotions I once held dear. Being bullied and teased through middle and high school stunk. I’ve grown to believe that happiness isn’t an emotion it is simply a decision on what happened. We created this “emotion” per-say when in reality, happiness is more than likely thought based. A thought that we create about things. 

The creation of an emotion in a mind is easy except you don’t realize that the so called “emotion” is actually a creation. You see, so many people (like myself) have for so long created the perception of happiness that we just believe it to be real. But what if I told you that you can create a happy situation out of nearly everything? Seems crazy, yes, even I’ll admit that… I’m serious though. I honestly believe without a doubt that happiness is not a real emotion but a mental decision. When something happens, if you’re not really sure what you’re feeling, what is your response? I find typically, when something good happens but I’m not sure how I feel, I simply tell myself I feel happy. There’s not much else too it? Oddly enough, I think that because we say “I feel happy” makes it a conscious decision. When you have to make a conscious decision that you’re going to feel happy, that voids it from being an emotion. I’m not talking about when you are asked how you feel, I’m talking about when you sit there and question how you feel.

So, the other day I was talking to a friend (yes, I do have a friend outside my girlfriend) and they were talking about how things were going wrong. Now, I know that feeling, I have had my fair share of issues, but over time I’ve come to the realization that life is simply filled with choices. Now, I know that I’ve talked about this before but I guess I’m just talking about this more and more because I realize how important it is in life to understand this. Every scenario in life presents a decision, you can either take things with a grain of salt and understand that life is a journey and a lesson, or take it harshly and be bitter. Life if about choices, and I’ve begun to think and realize that happiness and sadness aren't so much feelings and emotions as they are about a decision. A very common thing I hear, and yes I’m guilty of this, is saying that “I hate my job” or “I hate… about my job”. I am highly guilty of this as I work a third shift job and it’s torture sometimes not getting much sleep. Well, I’ve come to realize how lucky I am to have a job. Sure I may not be making much, and I’m working odd hours and I find grapes in the diaper aisle or whole potatoes in the freezers and I become frustrated with people, I soon relax and realize how lucky I am to have a job. I somehow convince myself I’m happy to serve and take care of items people leave in the wrong aisles because maybe they can’t afford it anymore. It’s unfortunate they leave it there, but hey, gives me something to do and humors me sometimes (I found a large watermelon on the top shelf of the chips… like, how??) Anyways, life is based off of decisions that we have in life, we always make decisions, and so often times we as humans make the easy decision about our feelings on something. If it’s good, we are happy! If it’s bad, we are sad. Yes, simplistic, but lets try this, to make life a little more enjoyable, and I’m working on this too, when life hits a bumpy patch, somehow find happiness. Find a reason to be happy. 

You know… I have come to the conclusion as well that there are rainbows everywhere. Whether or not a storm came through, there’s a rainbow. The thing is, rainbows are simply water particles being reflected, so who’s to say that we are just not at the right angle to see a rainbow? I truly think there are rainbows everywhere, and if you fail to see one, try changing your perspective.

I’m putting this out there as a helpful tool for everyone. If you don’t agree that happiness is a conscious choice, great, believe what you believe. But, I do think it’s about a decision more so than a feeling. I believe it, and I’m working to change the way I perceive life. If I’m to be quite honest, my life has taken a drastic turn to the positive since I’ve been seeing things through rose tinted glasses. Yes, I still feel like a lot of times life is bad, but, the good times are a lot better now. So, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Trying to Make Aretha Franklin Proud.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (sorry, I couldn't help myself...)

Respect. The universal language of “you matter to me”, or “you mean something to me”, or really, “you’re another person and I care”… If you think this is false, then think again. It seems like 99% of relationships (strong lasting ones) are built out of respect for each other. When you look at a person, and say “I value your opinion”. Yes you may think they’re wrong on somethings, but you value their opinion which means you value them. Make sense? Too often today, with the rise of social media, people share their opinions and just get lambasted in the comments for what they have to say. We have no respect for each other face to face because we’ve grown up with no respect for the person on the other side of social media. We view our opinions and our ideals as holy word, and any other person who doesn’t fit this is will be scrutinized or treated with no respect. 

I’ve seen it all too many times. Siblings torn apart because a lack of respect for each others social life’s. Married or dating couples losing respect for each other which entails a falling out due to lack of trust as well. If you can’t respect a person and their decisions, how can you trust them. See, when you don’t have respect for someone you love (family member or significant other) then you try to control their lives because you think you know what’s best for them. Well, it’s time to sit down and think. Who knows what is best for someone? That person. You can’t control them because it’s their life and their choices, not yours. Yeah, you may not agree with them, or you think they’re crazy for it, but instead of bashing them and making them feel horrible for it… Try respecting them. Because burning bridges by disrespecting is the worst way to lose people who are close to you. When you disrespect someone, and that bridge is burned, that leaves a very sour taste in the persons mouth. The likelihood of them wanting anything to do with you is slim to none. 

See, this isn’t holding a grudge though. When you are disrespected, it’s more a psychological response that happens than an emotional one. Being disrespected hurts more and causes many people to close their walls. Kind of like me. Majority of my life it seems, at least through middle school and high school, I had things to say that I thought were important. Well, my “friends” would shut me up or ignore me. Very few if any really listened to me. So you know what? I learned to be quiet since it seemed like no one cared or respected my thoughts. Now that I’ve started this blog, and I’ve opened up more to my girlfriend, she and a few others, and they all seem to enjoy what I have to say to some extent I think. I really appreciate it, and it really helps my confidence when I hear people comment on how good my writing is. Similarly, when you show respect and kindness to someone, you boost their confidence and help them accomplish more.

Respect does go two ways, and sadly, the term “if you want respect you have to give respect” really doesn’t work out sometimes. You can give all the respect you can for someone and they’ll still look down on you. You have to earn it as well as give it. 

Respect goes a long way. So really, even if you don't agree with their choice, tell them in a respectful manner. If they still don't agree, then accept that they're making a decision based off of THEIR life anyways. Respect is useful and helpful in so many ways... Thanks for reading. Sorry this post is rather short, just started classes, looking forward to using what I learn in my Sociology class to help create some great posts!

4am thoughts...

So the other night I fell asleep at a reasonable hour, approximately 11:50, well, I woke up at 12:35 in the morning. Well, needless to say, as you can tell in the title, I didn't fall asleep for a while. I finally did around 6:30. Anyways, I spent all night either reading, surfing the web, listening to mental music, studying some more psychology... Then around 4 am I opened up the pages app on my Mac, and just started typing. To be honest, it was one of those out of mind, out of body experiences. I just typed. If it came to mind it wen on the page. So here it is... My thoughts at 4 am...

Everybody wants something. One common theme in everyone’s meme is that we all want love, knowledge, power, and to be right. It’s natural for people to want one of those three, but more often than not, they want all of them. What is it about these four “basic” concepts that every person strives for. Yes there are other principals outside of these four that many people want, like money, profitability, to be famous… Breaking it all down though, everything you could want or dream of, can be broken down until it fits into one of the four.

LOVE: everybody wants to be loved, but so many people are scared to love. It’s the sad truth that there are people/couples where love only seems to go one way. How unfortunate that would be, to date or marry someone who you thought was your significant other to realize that they don’t feel nor will the respond to you with love. Anyways, this idea of love, what’s so great about it? Everyone just wants it, everybody who does’t already have it that is. Love is the quintessential antidote to loneliness. We have this preconceived idea that if we are loved we will no longer feel lonely. The sad truth is that, no matter how much love you feel, there will always be a sense of loneliness. If you don’t return that love, that person isn’t going to keep giving it. You’ll find out very quickly that people are quite fickle. We do have things we hang on to, but if it’s not beneficial, then we will leave it. So really, everyone wants to be loved. It’s one of the four things that made my list. It’s such a basic idea, but it’s complex in reality. Love hurts, love is doing something you hate for someone. Love is sticking through every challenge with someone. If they won’t go through difficulties and come out saying they love you, then sadly they aren’t the one. On the flip side, if they face the trials and difficulties of life with you, and you both come out of it saying how much you love each other and how much you both grew as a result, then it’s possible that they are a keeper. Love is a two way street, you can’t take and not give. If you just take, you’re not going to be getting much in return. I like this idea, it’s simple in theory but difficult in practice… Give 75% and expect 25%. Give more and expect less. If your significant other or your best friend and you both employ this idea in your lives, then you’ll both be so happy when you receive more than you were expecting, and you’ll feel great about giving more than they expected. Joy levels and happiness in that relationship will rise.

KNOWLEDGE: this one is a tough one. I know people who have this overwhelming thirst for knowledge. They want to know everything they can in their lifetime, and all I have to say to them is… “good luck.” See, I’ve grown up with the world at my fingertips. If I’m curious about something I can type it in on google and it’ll give me an answer. This process of receiving instead of searching has caused my generation to not have the interest in retaining information. Why fill your brain with amazing information when you can pull it up easy at any moment? Oh, I don’t know, because being knowledgeable is an amazing thing. How great is it to know and understand how the world works. I sometimes envy these people that have this insane thirst for knowledge. My girlfriend is one of them… You know what I realized though? Everyone has a thirst of knowledge, just have to find the key to unlock it. My dream is to hold quizzical and deeply informational conversations with her someday as my wife. You know what I’ve finally realized though? After being forced to read and deal with something I hated for years, I’ve come to realize that reading is the life blood of knowledge. It is the quickest way to obtain knowledge about things less known. Back as a Junior, my english teacher said something that was funny at the time, but now I’ve come to realize the shear importance of it. A student asked him, jokingly of course, “do we have to read the book or can I watch the movie?” For me this seemed like a fair question, I hated reading at the time. I despised the simple idea of having to pick up a book. His response was humorous, but it took years to really set in… “Sure, absorb someone else’s imagination instead of using your own.” Finally, after years, the profundity of that simple sentence broke me. I realize after hearing about the astounding personal libraries of the worlds greatest CEO’s and other influential people on today’s society. I have come to grips that, I too have this thirst for knowledge, and simply put, the answer to that is reading. I prefer biography sorts. Learning from the lives of the greatest humans I know. If you want knowledge, you don’t have to fry your brain studying, just start reading. My proudest achievement will someday have custom bookshelves made and filled in my house. I guess my goal is to be as eclectic or cultured as possible. I hope to someday be such an avid reader I can just devour books. 

POWER: everybody wants to be powerful. You may be sitting there saying, nah, I’m ok where I’m at in the passengers seat, but let’s be real. Pretty much everyone likes to be in charge of something. No matter what, there is always that one area in your life that you can’t give up control. You believe that every other person is inferior and that only you know what you’re doing. For me, that’s finances and bowling. It’s a simple theory really, except for the greats like Jim Cramer, Josh Brown, and really the highly acclaimed professionals in the business, I think that everyone else doesn’t have a clue what they are doing. It pains me to sit there and listen to someone who doesn’t get it, and it’s even worse when they don’t let me talk. I like the idea of being in control and being powerful in this regard. Not always does wanting power mean that you know what’s best. Sometimes, you just want power. You’re sick of being pushed around. You’re tired of everyone treating you like crap. You want to move out and be the real owner of your life. So, I mean really, everybody wants power. Everybody wants to be listen to and respected mainly, but you can always work it back to the simple idea of having power.

TO BE RIGHT: who likes being wrong? No one… There’s moments that you may wish you’re wrong when you’re making a guess about a particular situation, but when you find out you’re right your ego grows just that tiny bit. Got a hundred percent on a test? Ego grows. It’s a simple equation, it seems like everyone is full of themselves in some way. Even though I may say I hate being right, I hate being wrong even more. It’s important to realize that being wrong happens, making mistakes happen. It’s part of being human. I’m not some alien, I’m going to be wrong. I don’t have the expanses of human knowledge preloaded in my brain, I’m going to make mistakes. I’m emotional, I’ve got a faulty mind. It’s human error. Everyone surfers from it. Being wrong makes you human. I really hate being wrong about stuff, and I’m sure there is plenty of the population out there with me. I’m working on understanding I can’t always be right, as much as I want to be, it’s just not human!

So yeah, everybody wants at least one of these… Many people want all of them I’m sure (guilty is charged). There is nothing wrong with it, as long as you remember what is important in life. Sharing a special love between you and one person (doesn't mean you can't love more people, but there has to be one special love in your life)… Gain knowledge but don’t forget who you are… Being strong and powerful, but ruling with a caring nature and do good with that power… You’ll be right sometimes, you’ll be wrong sometimes, it’s all a part of being human… Most of all, live life to its fullest, don’t waste it away on things not of value to you, but don’t undermine it as it may be of value to someone else. We are here for a reason, find your own reason. You were custom made, and your life is designed specifically with you in mind. Your friends and loves are different, but they are there to help you. So yeah, there are my 4 am thoughts from August 25th. I hope you enjoyed… I just wish I knew how to get some sleep!

Anxiety...

Hello readers. This post is kind of a difficult thing for me to let out. For several years I’ve struggled with something that I don’t often share just because of how society responds to it. I have very high anxiety issues. Now, I’ve kind of grown a distaste when I hear people talk about their anxiety issues… So I thought I’d kind of write this and explain what anxiety is, what anxiety attacks feel like, and how you can help someone who’s in an anxiety attack…

So, what is anxiety. Often times, due to misuse by so many, anxiety has been the replacement word for fear. This is extremely unfortunate because so many people now say they have anxiety issues/disorder, when in reality they are just fearful of a thing, they have a phobia of it. Anxiety is a little more difficult than a fear. Fear, gives you butterflies, puts a lump in your throat, gives you cold sweat… Anxiety puts you in the fetal position, ties your intestines in knots, makes you burning hot then freezing cold, basically makes you question if you are still alive. It’s kind of sad when I talk to people and they tell me how bad their anxieties are, and I ask them to explain what’s going on and they basically tell me a fear about something and they don’t know what to do. Meanwhile, I sit there, thinking they are feeling like death due to anxiety. I understand  anxiety comes in different forms and different levels, but the general consensus is the same, fear is nearly all mental with little physical, while anxiety is the mind causing the body to malfunction. It’s a scary thing going through an anxiety attack, and isn’t easy, and it’s very sad to watch someone helplessly lay there in so much pain and you can’t do anything. Just ask my girlfriend, she’s never seen first hand an anxiety attack, but she’s heard it over the phone…

I’m sure you’re wondering what an anxiety attack feels like. Well, everyone experiences it differently but the outcome is the same. I like to describe it as this. You’re walking along, with a friend, and you run into a wall. Your friend however keeps going, you lean your head against the wall, begging for help. All your friend says is “come on, there is no wall, you just think there is a wall. Get over here or I’m leaving.” Well, there is a wall for the person with anxiety, and sadly, it really can come out of nowhere. You stand there, and then drop to your knees. Unable to move. You’re body starts shaking, you begin to hyperventilate. Your heart makes an attempt to beat out of your chest, or it decides to skip a beat, either way you feel like your heart is dying. You curl into a ball, crying, unable to move past this wall that is apparently not there for anyone else. Seeing that, feeling alone, makes it worse. The anxiety about facing people turns worse as you start to think you’re some kind of freak and no one will talk to you. You really do feel like you’re left for dead.

You feel like you’re dying and you’re not going to make it, that is, unless someone stays with you. It’s quite simple. If you are having an anxiety attack, having someone support you and stay with you helps. And really, if someone with anxiety asks you to do something for them in public, like ordering food even, just do it. Don’t question them, just do it. Answer the same question no matter how many times they ask you it. Being loving towards someone with anxiety does wonders, you try to help them face it. Anxiety isn’t a fear, fear can be overcome by facing it, but anxiety requires a rewiring of the brain. Don't try to get them to face it, just do it with them or do it for them. It may be stupid to you, but it does wonders for the person dying of anxiety. 

Hope this cleared the air a little and I hope this gave you some form of insight into the idea of anxiety. I didn’t try to explain what triggers it, because I really don’t know what does. Like I said, it just happens. Sometimes there’s a triggers, sometimes our minds are a ticking time bomb. We over think, and increase our anxiety because we are so fearful of outcomes from making the wrong decision. Just be there with them, or do it for them. Don’t push them to do it… Please. That just increases the anxiety because now they’re worrying about failing and disappointing you.

Driven to Live Fully

What drives you? What do you enjoy about life? What makes you want to be the best that you can be? Everyone struggles through life, and I aways liked the saying, “Life’s a beautiful struggle, forget the struggle and find the beauty.” But, each and every person has a different standard of beauty, and each and every person struggles through their own issues. Maybe you’re like me, you battle demons of the mind. You fight your inhibitions, fears, doubts, and anxieties. The challenge in life for me is to push through the pain and fear of failing and try. Basically, in this post I’ll talk about some common things I’m trying to follow to live a happier and more satisfying life… I hope you enjoy.

Everything in life is meant to challenge you and make you strive to be better. If you go into a scenario or a part of life with the assumption you’re going to learn something from it, 9 times out of 10 you’ll learn something. Everything that happens in life is a lesson, teaching us for the next time that scenario will come around, or teaching us ways to deal with other problems that may arise. The first step in enjoying and taking over your life is to start understanding the theory that everything in life is a test and you can take a lesson out of it. This is one part of life that I definitely feel like I’ve come to grasps with. Everything happens for a reason and typically that reason is to teach you a lesson of some sort. I like the idea my golf coach told me at one time. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” If you think you can take a lesson out of something, you will. It’s all about the mind and how you perceive every scenario in life.

The other thing that you can do in life, is take every difficulty and use it to your advantage. Take the difficulty in step, and enjoy it. In theatre, they often say to actors, “use the disadvantage.” It comes from the little story of an actor during rehearsal, he says to his director he can’t get on stage because there is a chair in his way. The director responds, “Use the difficulty. If it’s a drama, pick it up and smash it on the ground. If it’s a comedy, fall over it.” I read this statement and kind of fallen in love with it. I haven’t done plays in quite a few years, and even when I was I never heard this… But now that I have, I love it. Everyone has a disadvantage/difficulty, use it. Every scenario has a difficulty, so whatever you’re in, treat that difficult with the type of play you want to live. If you love humor, treat that difficulty with humor until you’re past it. If you’ve got some type of mental illness, like anxiety, use it to express tremendous amounts of love by always making an effort to talk to them because your anxiety makes it difficult for you when you’re not talking. (I’m in that category for sure.) No matter what difficulty you face, there is always a way around it, or a way to enjoy it.

So there are a few ways that I specifically have been working on doing. I hope you found these helpful in your life. Life is a lesson, enjoy it, all of it. 

Forgive and forget.

So, we all know that we are supposed to forgive the ones who hurt us, I mean Jesus said to forgive them 7 times 70 (which would be 490 times). The thing is there should be no limit as to how many times you forgive someone. People matter, and people make mistakes. Don't burn a bridge just because someone hurt you or did someone that you don't like. I'm not going to write this using scripture to back up the theory that we need to forgive and forget, I'm going to write this to help people understand how dangerous and how painful it is to hold a grudge.

So, someone has hurt you in some form or another. If they apologized great, if they didn't, face them and tell them they hurt you and let them know what happened. I feel like people today have people become so numb to their own actions that they never realize they hurt someone. It's the sad fact in life, when you can post a comment or a tweet and indirectly have it hurt someone. It could be about something totally different, but it still hurt. I'm sure everyone's been hurt by a post or something like it. It's becoming a common theme as more and more people have started to open up behind the keys of a message board.

When someone asks for forgiveness or apologizes, they are admitting they did wrong. It takes guts to admit that you messed up, to face the music, so don't take it lightly when someone finally asks you for forgiveness or says they're sorry for something they did. Accept the apology, say it's ok and you forgive them. Let them know you're not mad and you're not going to hold it above their heads, dangling from a string that at the next mistake they make it snaps. It's not healthy to hold a grudge. Holding grudges doesn't just hurt that other person, it hurts you and your reputation. People see you holding a grudge and they're not going to want to cross paths with you. The other fact is that often times, holding a grudge can and will burn bridges, bridges that may be very helpful in the future when you're stuck in a predicament and can't really get out. What's the point of tying that ball and chain of pain around your ankle? There's no point in doing that. Life is meant to be lived and loved. You're not meant to sit there being annoyed by someones very existence.

It's not healthy nor enjoyable to you or the people around you when the mention of someones name makes you bitter. Enjoy the times, let go of the pain, and live life to its fullest. If someone leaves you because they're mad at you? Let them. The fact that someone fails to let go of things should tell you they'll always hold anything you mess up on over your head. Trust me, if you've not already dealt with someone like this, it is not enjoyable.

I've had plenty of people hate me, I've gone to them and apologized for what I supposedly did to them. Yet, they still wish I was dead. Sadly, not everyone has the ability to move on. So, just be careful when you're going to be around people you know don't like you. If they won't forgive you, don't pester them, just hope and pray that someday they'll actually forgive you.

That's all for now... Kind of lost where I was going, turned into a rant more than anything I guess. Hope you enjoyed and got something of this. Please don't hold grudges, spare yourself and everyone around you that burden.

Respectful men.

So, as I mentioned before I had spent some time in Chicago at a National Youth Bowling tournament. While I was there I had the opportunity to meet and speak with many guys my own age, and sadly I kind of wish I hadn't talked to them. I was very disappointed the way they talked about life, how they were "knocking up" girls, or getting high and getting wasted while on this trip. It actually made me mad to be a teenage male. I was disgusted with the way these boys treat women, they treat them like they are objects and they don't understand that these women have hearts, souls, and minds. Great minds too.

You see, in today's society so many boys think it's a lofty prize to have slept with a girl, and so many brag about how many girls they've slept with. It is just horrible to think what these guys do or even how their minds can blow off what they do. They seem to not care at all that the girl they are messing with is another human. Sadly so many young adult men have objectified women. It's a sad truth. We (the male population) need a revival. It starts with this generation who's about to be married and having kids, the men of that generation need to step up and be responsible fathers and responsible men most of all. 1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, Godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." I feel like some boys who heard this verse only heard "Pursue love." Unfortunately for them, He doesn't even mean making love with anyone, God means specifically falling in love with a girl. Being a rock to her and helping her live in faith.

I understand that majority to all those guys were not christians, but you know what? Society is so messed up and I'm not saying this as a christian but as a man they should be more respectful of women. Like I said, I was extremely disappointed when I heard a few boys bragging about how many girls they slept with while in Chicago for the 5 or so days. One of the buys even said to me, "Got this one girl to sleep with me last night dude, it is great, don't know her name and I haven't seen her since!" Fortunately another guy who had the same feelings I did pulled me over to talk because I was about do something I'd regret. I don't understand, nor will I ever stand where boys think they have a right to objectify women. That is the least manly characteristic I've ever seen, but the only way I know to combat it is raise my future son right. Raise him to be a proper man. I need to also respectfully respond to boys I hear talking like that, unfortunately I struggle with that as my girlfriend points out to me... "Violence is not the answer Tucker." Is a line I hear too many times. I get very frustrated and angry when I hear conversation like I heard in Chicago.

So, I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Men, raise your sons right, raise them to be real men of class and not "swag masters" who do not understand showing respect. Girls, I hope you find a fine respectful man. I also hope you help him raise the next generation of young men so that maybe we can stop the fall of society. I hope this helps you understand, I am challenging all who read this, and I'm challenging myself all the time as well to be the man I want my daughter to marry. This may sound really odd, but when you enter a relationship, treat her like you'd like your future daughters boyfriend to treat her. It's difficult sometimes, but know that she is important to someone. Hope you enjoyed my little explosion on disrespectful boys. Hope this doesn't offend any one.

Aggression isn't the best response...

I am sorry for the delay, I got back from bowling the Junior Gold National Championships in Chicago and I finally am feeling 100% from that. My girlfriend challenged me (more like asked me to) write a blog post on the topic of homosexuality and the gay marriage rights. First off, I want to make it completely clear that I am absolutely against gay marriage. I do not support the idea of marriage because marriage was something created by God to be between husband and wife, man and woman. So living as a christian, I do not believe it is correct or should be allowed that a marriage could be between a man and man, or woman and woman. Though I despise this sin and the actions of many people, I still love the persons who are gay, or bi, or transgender. I believe if Christ were alive today, he'd love them with all his heart, and show them the grace of God.

Growing up I learned quickly that yelling and beating something into a person seems to rarely if ever work. Showing love, compassion, sharing in a deep conversation allows both parties to really understand each other. Sure, in like sports a coach yelling at someone to do it works, but that is when you're pumped up with adrenaline and you understand the coach is in charge. In everyday life, sitting down, talking over coffee or tea, can do wonders. Not be aggressive with them, not belittle their thinking, but listening and trying to understand what they've gone through. Share the love that God gave you. My pastor was talking about the Issachar tribe, and what it means to live in the times but live like christian's in today's insane world. I really liked something he said, it struck a cord with me because I've never liked how churches seem to handle it the situations. He said, "Society has pressed the mute button on the church because they have seen quick aggressive responses and want none of that. They've yet to sit and listen to our thoughtful responses." This really hit me, because all too often the church and christian's alike seem to just attack and beat the word of God into sinners. Growing up having that done to me, I realize how ineffective that method is. It is really best to express love, and show them that God is good. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've used no scripture references throughout this post. That's because as christian's, we need to be aware of our actions and how they reflect the likeness of God and Christ. We were created in his likeness, so that when we are reborn through him, we will carry out good deeds to the world and live as lights and a blackened world. We want to be the hands and feet of God, do his work in the world. This isn't' anything new. The moment you ask God for forgiveness, he asks you to save his people. I mean, for the longest time every kid had a bracelet, WWJD? What would Jesus do. So, what would he? In light of recent events, I personally believe that Jesus would love. He'd tell them about God, let them know the grace of God through his many parables. Jesus loved. He loved all, you think he didn't? So many christian's don't want to get down and dirty working with everyday sinners. Jesus' disciples, the 12 men he spent the most time with, were tax collectors (hated people), fishermen, and some we are unsure what they did. Jesus spent time teaching to sinners along with saints. He hung around lepers, people who were cast out of the city. If you're a christian, and trying to live like Christ. Why do you hide behind church doors throwing scripture at every sinner who walked by? Be honest, don't you think Jesus would be out loving His brothers and sisters?

My apologies for kind of going off. I'm not a fan of how "aggressive" the church is. Too busy worrying about being contaminated. I read this story, a church heard that a LGBT group was going to protest across the street from them, and what the church did shocked everybody (unfortunately). They set up tents, put out food and drinks for the protesters. I just imagine the scene, members of the LGBT yelling at the church congregation, and they simply respond, "Are you thirsty? Been yelling for a while. Here is some water." As they hand them a bottle of water. In the midst of being yelled at, they showed love and compassion to the protesters. Now that is love. Fighting fire with fire never seems to work. Show love and compassion, let God's work and will be done.

I hope you enjoyed. I'm sorry if this post offended anyone.

Christian Fathers.

           A father is meant to be a rock, the firm foundation upon which a family can stand. He should be a light towards God using his actions, but also should have the tongue of God in his mouth. Teaching and sharing the word of the Lord with his family as well as sharing the good news to others. The issue is, that in today’s society, fathers and father figures are lacking in life. So many men have fallen short of the glory of God. So many men are blinded by self-righteousness and they forget the duties they signed up for when giving their lives to God. A father’s first order of business is to show his family the goodness of God. For we are all created in God’s likeness, and though we all fall short of the glory that is God, we all work to be as like him as possible.

           Fathers (and mothers) are the first people a new child ever get to know. They are the people who have the most influence upon the child. They are the first people given the opportunity to show Christ to this child. Sadly many fathers and mothers fall short of the glory of God, and forget what scripture has to say. So many people read the Book and live it in their own twisted utopias, very few read what others have to say, then compare that to scripture. Living a Godly life is not easy, so many daily struggles test your patience, but it’s about time father’s start stepping up. Time has sped up, boys seem to be “men” in physical stature earlier than ever, the thing is, too many of these “men” have failed to become scriptural men. It’s my prayer that the light of the Lord be shown to them, so that before they become fathers, they might understand what it means to be a Godly man. Because you must be a Godly man before you can be a Godly husband or father. I will cover Godly men another day, but for now, I wish to focus on the aspect of a Godly father. Over my nearly nineteen years living on earth, I can’t remember having that Godly of a father figure. Sure he took the family to church, he read his little devotional in the morning before starting the day… In reality though, he made me want to push God away. I wanted nothing to do with God if that was what it meant to be a Godly person. So many times, my father would pray before heading out on a road trip, and the first person to cut him off would cause my dad to go into a fit. He loved to say “waste of a life”. That stamped in me for the longest time the wrong picture of a Christian. I had this idea that as long as you prayed, went to church, and read the Bible you were saved. Ignorant old me didn’t like that, I wanted something that I had to put effort into, I wanted to earn. So by the age of the ten I’d read through the Bible a couple times. I wanted to understand it in every way possible. And after reading and reading, I began to understand something that haunts me. I didn’t have a Biblical father. In the long run I’ve come to understand and I’ve come to grips with it. Because I do have THE Biblical father, I have God as my father.

           So what does the Bible say about being a biblical father? Well, first of all, I’d like to start with a short and simple verse. To be a father, you must have to have a child… How it works. Well, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This is the perfect place to start, a father isn’t supposed to control their child’s life. He’s meant to be the first spiritual guide in their life. A father should guide, and train their child in the way of the Lord and trust that their child will live the way of the Lord. When a father to controls and micromanages a child’s life, they tend to become so upset with their father because when they become of age, when they reach sixteen or eighteen, they will feel called by God to walk their own path. Father’s should not be provoking their children to anger, they need to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). I know your first comment, “They should suck it up since it says Honor your father and mother”, yes, but just before that last passage, verses 1-4 say “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Notice something in the few passages I’ve shared so far, nowhere does it say protect them so that no harm ever comes to them. That’s not found anywhere, because that’s not what God asks of fathers. It does say in Proverbs 14:26 “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” A father must fear the Lord, he must show his family kindness and love. He shouldn’t anger them, or provoke them He is supposed to be the light to God, and supply a fortress for the cruelties of the world. A father should guide and teach, not control. He should listen and care, not force his ways. Simply put, a father should love his wife, and his family, as God loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Did God control them so that they were never hurt by things of the world? No, he guided them, taught them, and when they got hurt, he provided a fortress for them to retreat to.

Forcing something down someone’s throat never works. It’s human nature to fight when being forced. A father can only teach and guide God’s will. For their children are free souls who are lost and searching for a home. A father’s job is to help their child’s soul find a place in God. Controlling will only make it worse. To finish, I’d like to share one more passage that really sums up the point I’m trying to get across, 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” A father sends his child out, encourages them, and charges them. A father does not control, or force them to live his ways, trying to force his ideals upon his child. He should teach and show, but forcing will only hurt the relationship between the father and child, and I have had seen this first hand. I intend to practice teaching and guiding when I become a father, if that be God’s will. I hope I’m able to raise them to be God fearing souls, but I know that I can’t force them, I can only show them the love and grace that God’s shown me by saving my life. Thank you, God bless.

The Fear.

"I've been worrying, that my time is a little unclear. I've been worrying, that I'm losing the ones I hold dear. I've been worrying that we all, live our lives in the confines of fear." These poetic words are from the amazing song "The Fear" by singer song writer Ben Howard. I have loved this song for the longest time, ever since I first heard it. Everybody has that song that they just connect to, I mean, that's what music is for, to express feelings that just can't be described in simple words. Feelings that need a poetic feel with great rhythm and harmony. Only thing will this feelings be properly displayed. Well, I love this song for one main reason, I live in fear. I battle fear, I always have and I probably always will. It's a constant fear, living in the anxiety and fear. I know first hand what it can do to a person. I struggle constantly, but I am working on being better. Fear shouldn't control us, fear should help us, but not control us. I always liked the quote, "If you don't like the way things are, then change them." No matter what situation you're in, no matter how bad it is, you can always change it. Whether it be how you perceive the challenge, or if you just face it and get it over with. You can always change it. All it takes is 20 seconds of courage, and I promise good things will happen. (Taken from the great movie, We Bought A Zoo). So, go out and fix it, good things don't come to those who just wait, good things come to those who go make it happen. Start working, as I am, on overcoming fears and doubts and anxieties.

Constantly worrying, living in fear, plagued by questions of doubt and pain... It's all something that I'm sure a lot of people battle with. It's a battle of the mind and the heart. It's something that feels so beyond our control, but the truth is we all have the capability of overcoming fears and doubts and pains. We have people who love us and care about us, simply talking to them, asking for support can help over come that fear, or whatever it is that plagues you. No one can beat it on there own.

Everyone seems to prefer a different type of support to over come that fear though, you just need to know what people want and also know what you like to hear from people. For some, you need a motivational boost to overcome. You need that song, that youtube video or whatever it is that gets you amped up and ready to go. Others seem to just need support, they need to know you're there for them, just talking to them even if it has nothing to do what the problem is. They'll truly appreciate you just being there. So take the time to know what kind of support you need to face that fear, or to settle you down from that anxiety attack, after all, "no man is an island."

Fear can be found everywhere, there's different levels of fear and there are a too many reasons to count. Just know that something that everyone has their own fears, you can't control them, and you really can't just tell them to get over it. Fear has roots, dig to the roots, find the cause, then work it all out of the ground. It takes time, but would you prefer to continually have that fear, or would you like to rip it out of the ground and no longer have that fear? I know that I'd love to just rip out my fears and doubts, but guess what, it takes time. It may not be enjoyable, and they may make you want to leave them till they are better, but it really is best to stay and help them.

Knowing you have someone there is key, and I know you're both reading this so thank you for being there. I know I'm a pest and it can't be too enjoyable being around me or listening to me when I'm having the anxiety attack or am in so much fear, but you've never left and I don't think you ever will. So thank you so much. I'm very sorry for all I've put you two through.

So there's my take on fear and anxiety I guess. Everyone deals with it in someway shape or form. For many like me, it seems to be a consistent and constant battle within yourself. Be there for them, they need you. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Nothing

Nothing is truly something. This blog post will probably be short, and to be honest, may not be that amazing because after all, I'm attempting to write about nothing. But, nothing isn't really in my mind. "What's wrong?" "Nothing..." Is typically (like 99.99% of the time) a lie. There's always some form of pain, always some kind of issue, so really, nothing is usually something. Why do we think we can hide behind this facade of nothing which isn't even there. Something must be the matter, sure you may not know what the issue is now but what's the point of hiding? Really, there is no point... That emotion and pain will come out eventually so why hold it in the box of "nothing".

In a previous post I talked about how making a conscious decision can have a positive influence on how your day plays out. Use the idea of nothing to your advantage for that. When disappointment arises typically the fault is that you expected too much of something. To combat that, I try to expect little to nothing out of situations, sure it sounds kind of sad... But when something great happens and my expectations were so minimal, I have an overwhelming sense of happiness! It's so amazing to see something great happen when you only expected ok things.

Nothing is always something, but nothing will help you make something of every situation. Sorry for such a short post, hopefully I can come up with a better topic next week. Thanks for reading.

Public Displays...

When in a committed relationship with a single person, it is common for them to hold hands, hug, put their arm around the other, and maybe kiss if they feel comfortable doing that. To be honest, couples should decide on how physical they will get. Physicality in a relationship is far from uncommon, but it is vital that you respect your partners boundaries. Respect is truly what it boils down to.

It is very important that the two partners sit and converse on such an issue. If you pressure someone into doing something they don't want to do, what usually happens? They break, they become upset, they get offensive towards their partner. All of these are unhealthy in a relationship and can be avoided by just respecting each others boundaries. Boundaries are there for a reason, they let the other know where you are comfortable. Do not be afraid to share with your partner your concern and your boundaries, and be sure you listen attentively to your partners. Everyone wants to be heard, but a lot of times no one cares to listen. Take the time, it may save you a lot of pain and baggage in the future. Majority of baggage from a relationship is going too quickly or too far physically when you really didn't want to. Save yourself, and your partner just in case you two split. If it works out and you're married, you've got your whole lives to do things. May be kind of awkward talking/reading about this, but seriously people, save that all for marriage! Dating and engagement periods are meant to get to know that person on a deeper emotional and mental level. Marriage is when the true physical connection should happen. Spend time talking to your partner when in a relationship/dating/engaged. Get to know them as well as possible, see if you could really handle living with them in the future, get an idea of what they are like in every possible scenario, but save yourself's the possible pain and baggage of more than mental and emotional ties. Because somethings, like physical attachment, can never be repaired or forgotten.

RESPECT! It goes a long way. The childish answer of "He doesn't respect me so why should I respect him!" is just that... Childish. A mature person understands that receiving respect requires showing respect to others. So when it comes to setting boundaries, respect is absolutely necessary. Respect your partner, do not push for more than what they are willing to give you. If you show them respect in this category, they will certainly show respect for you in other categories. Too many people look at a relationship as give and take 50% each... I want to live my relationship(s) as more, I'll give 75% and expect 25% in return. Because guess what? When you both expect 25% from your partner, but give each other 75% you will both be pleasantly surprised when you receive 75% instead of 25%. Make sense? I hope so... If not, just understand that when you give more and expect less and your partner does the same, everyone is happy. Happiness, joy, caring, and true love can be so important in a relationship. So when talking about physicality with your partner, respect that boundary, show them, prove to them that you will not cross their boundary. Give them your total focus, and don't push it. Respecting each other leads to big things in a relationship.

So, I suppose you're wondering what my boundaries are. When I look at the spectrum of "decent" to not so decent things... I'd say I will honestly do what my partner wishes to a point. I find no problem in holding hands, because, as the amazing and brilliant Topanga Lawrence said in my favorite show "Boy Meets World"... "Holding hands is like touching souls". So really, such an innocent and simple thing like holding hands can be amazing. I personally see no issue in holding hands, hugging, linked arms... Minor touching is no big deal to me, as long as it is only with your partner and nobody else. Kissing is different, shouldn't be done till both parties are ready. Many people wait to kiss on their wedding day, good for them. Everyone is different, each person has their own standards. So I will respect my eventual partners boundaries and I will not take more than they will give. I respect them, and in turn I believe they'll respect me.

So sit down with them, do it somewhere private it, and try to keep the awkwardness down. Be mature, be respectful. I promise good things will happen. Thank you so much for reading, hope you found this insightful and possibly helpful.