Anxiety...

Hello readers. This post is kind of a difficult thing for me to let out. For several years I’ve struggled with something that I don’t often share just because of how society responds to it. I have very high anxiety issues. Now, I’ve kind of grown a distaste when I hear people talk about their anxiety issues… So I thought I’d kind of write this and explain what anxiety is, what anxiety attacks feel like, and how you can help someone who’s in an anxiety attack…

So, what is anxiety. Often times, due to misuse by so many, anxiety has been the replacement word for fear. This is extremely unfortunate because so many people now say they have anxiety issues/disorder, when in reality they are just fearful of a thing, they have a phobia of it. Anxiety is a little more difficult than a fear. Fear, gives you butterflies, puts a lump in your throat, gives you cold sweat… Anxiety puts you in the fetal position, ties your intestines in knots, makes you burning hot then freezing cold, basically makes you question if you are still alive. It’s kind of sad when I talk to people and they tell me how bad their anxieties are, and I ask them to explain what’s going on and they basically tell me a fear about something and they don’t know what to do. Meanwhile, I sit there, thinking they are feeling like death due to anxiety. I understand  anxiety comes in different forms and different levels, but the general consensus is the same, fear is nearly all mental with little physical, while anxiety is the mind causing the body to malfunction. It’s a scary thing going through an anxiety attack, and isn’t easy, and it’s very sad to watch someone helplessly lay there in so much pain and you can’t do anything. Just ask my girlfriend, she’s never seen first hand an anxiety attack, but she’s heard it over the phone…

I’m sure you’re wondering what an anxiety attack feels like. Well, everyone experiences it differently but the outcome is the same. I like to describe it as this. You’re walking along, with a friend, and you run into a wall. Your friend however keeps going, you lean your head against the wall, begging for help. All your friend says is “come on, there is no wall, you just think there is a wall. Get over here or I’m leaving.” Well, there is a wall for the person with anxiety, and sadly, it really can come out of nowhere. You stand there, and then drop to your knees. Unable to move. You’re body starts shaking, you begin to hyperventilate. Your heart makes an attempt to beat out of your chest, or it decides to skip a beat, either way you feel like your heart is dying. You curl into a ball, crying, unable to move past this wall that is apparently not there for anyone else. Seeing that, feeling alone, makes it worse. The anxiety about facing people turns worse as you start to think you’re some kind of freak and no one will talk to you. You really do feel like you’re left for dead.

You feel like you’re dying and you’re not going to make it, that is, unless someone stays with you. It’s quite simple. If you are having an anxiety attack, having someone support you and stay with you helps. And really, if someone with anxiety asks you to do something for them in public, like ordering food even, just do it. Don’t question them, just do it. Answer the same question no matter how many times they ask you it. Being loving towards someone with anxiety does wonders, you try to help them face it. Anxiety isn’t a fear, fear can be overcome by facing it, but anxiety requires a rewiring of the brain. Don't try to get them to face it, just do it with them or do it for them. It may be stupid to you, but it does wonders for the person dying of anxiety. 

Hope this cleared the air a little and I hope this gave you some form of insight into the idea of anxiety. I didn’t try to explain what triggers it, because I really don’t know what does. Like I said, it just happens. Sometimes there’s a triggers, sometimes our minds are a ticking time bomb. We over think, and increase our anxiety because we are so fearful of outcomes from making the wrong decision. Just be there with them, or do it for them. Don’t push them to do it… Please. That just increases the anxiety because now they’re worrying about failing and disappointing you.

Driven to Live Fully

What drives you? What do you enjoy about life? What makes you want to be the best that you can be? Everyone struggles through life, and I aways liked the saying, “Life’s a beautiful struggle, forget the struggle and find the beauty.” But, each and every person has a different standard of beauty, and each and every person struggles through their own issues. Maybe you’re like me, you battle demons of the mind. You fight your inhibitions, fears, doubts, and anxieties. The challenge in life for me is to push through the pain and fear of failing and try. Basically, in this post I’ll talk about some common things I’m trying to follow to live a happier and more satisfying life… I hope you enjoy.

Everything in life is meant to challenge you and make you strive to be better. If you go into a scenario or a part of life with the assumption you’re going to learn something from it, 9 times out of 10 you’ll learn something. Everything that happens in life is a lesson, teaching us for the next time that scenario will come around, or teaching us ways to deal with other problems that may arise. The first step in enjoying and taking over your life is to start understanding the theory that everything in life is a test and you can take a lesson out of it. This is one part of life that I definitely feel like I’ve come to grasps with. Everything happens for a reason and typically that reason is to teach you a lesson of some sort. I like the idea my golf coach told me at one time. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” If you think you can take a lesson out of something, you will. It’s all about the mind and how you perceive every scenario in life.

The other thing that you can do in life, is take every difficulty and use it to your advantage. Take the difficulty in step, and enjoy it. In theatre, they often say to actors, “use the disadvantage.” It comes from the little story of an actor during rehearsal, he says to his director he can’t get on stage because there is a chair in his way. The director responds, “Use the difficulty. If it’s a drama, pick it up and smash it on the ground. If it’s a comedy, fall over it.” I read this statement and kind of fallen in love with it. I haven’t done plays in quite a few years, and even when I was I never heard this… But now that I have, I love it. Everyone has a disadvantage/difficulty, use it. Every scenario has a difficulty, so whatever you’re in, treat that difficult with the type of play you want to live. If you love humor, treat that difficulty with humor until you’re past it. If you’ve got some type of mental illness, like anxiety, use it to express tremendous amounts of love by always making an effort to talk to them because your anxiety makes it difficult for you when you’re not talking. (I’m in that category for sure.) No matter what difficulty you face, there is always a way around it, or a way to enjoy it.

So there are a few ways that I specifically have been working on doing. I hope you found these helpful in your life. Life is a lesson, enjoy it, all of it. 

Forgive and forget.

So, we all know that we are supposed to forgive the ones who hurt us, I mean Jesus said to forgive them 7 times 70 (which would be 490 times). The thing is there should be no limit as to how many times you forgive someone. People matter, and people make mistakes. Don't burn a bridge just because someone hurt you or did someone that you don't like. I'm not going to write this using scripture to back up the theory that we need to forgive and forget, I'm going to write this to help people understand how dangerous and how painful it is to hold a grudge.

So, someone has hurt you in some form or another. If they apologized great, if they didn't, face them and tell them they hurt you and let them know what happened. I feel like people today have people become so numb to their own actions that they never realize they hurt someone. It's the sad fact in life, when you can post a comment or a tweet and indirectly have it hurt someone. It could be about something totally different, but it still hurt. I'm sure everyone's been hurt by a post or something like it. It's becoming a common theme as more and more people have started to open up behind the keys of a message board.

When someone asks for forgiveness or apologizes, they are admitting they did wrong. It takes guts to admit that you messed up, to face the music, so don't take it lightly when someone finally asks you for forgiveness or says they're sorry for something they did. Accept the apology, say it's ok and you forgive them. Let them know you're not mad and you're not going to hold it above their heads, dangling from a string that at the next mistake they make it snaps. It's not healthy to hold a grudge. Holding grudges doesn't just hurt that other person, it hurts you and your reputation. People see you holding a grudge and they're not going to want to cross paths with you. The other fact is that often times, holding a grudge can and will burn bridges, bridges that may be very helpful in the future when you're stuck in a predicament and can't really get out. What's the point of tying that ball and chain of pain around your ankle? There's no point in doing that. Life is meant to be lived and loved. You're not meant to sit there being annoyed by someones very existence.

It's not healthy nor enjoyable to you or the people around you when the mention of someones name makes you bitter. Enjoy the times, let go of the pain, and live life to its fullest. If someone leaves you because they're mad at you? Let them. The fact that someone fails to let go of things should tell you they'll always hold anything you mess up on over your head. Trust me, if you've not already dealt with someone like this, it is not enjoyable.

I've had plenty of people hate me, I've gone to them and apologized for what I supposedly did to them. Yet, they still wish I was dead. Sadly, not everyone has the ability to move on. So, just be careful when you're going to be around people you know don't like you. If they won't forgive you, don't pester them, just hope and pray that someday they'll actually forgive you.

That's all for now... Kind of lost where I was going, turned into a rant more than anything I guess. Hope you enjoyed and got something of this. Please don't hold grudges, spare yourself and everyone around you that burden.

Respectful men.

So, as I mentioned before I had spent some time in Chicago at a National Youth Bowling tournament. While I was there I had the opportunity to meet and speak with many guys my own age, and sadly I kind of wish I hadn't talked to them. I was very disappointed the way they talked about life, how they were "knocking up" girls, or getting high and getting wasted while on this trip. It actually made me mad to be a teenage male. I was disgusted with the way these boys treat women, they treat them like they are objects and they don't understand that these women have hearts, souls, and minds. Great minds too.

You see, in today's society so many boys think it's a lofty prize to have slept with a girl, and so many brag about how many girls they've slept with. It is just horrible to think what these guys do or even how their minds can blow off what they do. They seem to not care at all that the girl they are messing with is another human. Sadly so many young adult men have objectified women. It's a sad truth. We (the male population) need a revival. It starts with this generation who's about to be married and having kids, the men of that generation need to step up and be responsible fathers and responsible men most of all. 1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, Godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." I feel like some boys who heard this verse only heard "Pursue love." Unfortunately for them, He doesn't even mean making love with anyone, God means specifically falling in love with a girl. Being a rock to her and helping her live in faith.

I understand that majority to all those guys were not christians, but you know what? Society is so messed up and I'm not saying this as a christian but as a man they should be more respectful of women. Like I said, I was extremely disappointed when I heard a few boys bragging about how many girls they slept with while in Chicago for the 5 or so days. One of the buys even said to me, "Got this one girl to sleep with me last night dude, it is great, don't know her name and I haven't seen her since!" Fortunately another guy who had the same feelings I did pulled me over to talk because I was about do something I'd regret. I don't understand, nor will I ever stand where boys think they have a right to objectify women. That is the least manly characteristic I've ever seen, but the only way I know to combat it is raise my future son right. Raise him to be a proper man. I need to also respectfully respond to boys I hear talking like that, unfortunately I struggle with that as my girlfriend points out to me... "Violence is not the answer Tucker." Is a line I hear too many times. I get very frustrated and angry when I hear conversation like I heard in Chicago.

So, I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Men, raise your sons right, raise them to be real men of class and not "swag masters" who do not understand showing respect. Girls, I hope you find a fine respectful man. I also hope you help him raise the next generation of young men so that maybe we can stop the fall of society. I hope this helps you understand, I am challenging all who read this, and I'm challenging myself all the time as well to be the man I want my daughter to marry. This may sound really odd, but when you enter a relationship, treat her like you'd like your future daughters boyfriend to treat her. It's difficult sometimes, but know that she is important to someone. Hope you enjoyed my little explosion on disrespectful boys. Hope this doesn't offend any one.

Aggression isn't the best response...

I am sorry for the delay, I got back from bowling the Junior Gold National Championships in Chicago and I finally am feeling 100% from that. My girlfriend challenged me (more like asked me to) write a blog post on the topic of homosexuality and the gay marriage rights. First off, I want to make it completely clear that I am absolutely against gay marriage. I do not support the idea of marriage because marriage was something created by God to be between husband and wife, man and woman. So living as a christian, I do not believe it is correct or should be allowed that a marriage could be between a man and man, or woman and woman. Though I despise this sin and the actions of many people, I still love the persons who are gay, or bi, or transgender. I believe if Christ were alive today, he'd love them with all his heart, and show them the grace of God.

Growing up I learned quickly that yelling and beating something into a person seems to rarely if ever work. Showing love, compassion, sharing in a deep conversation allows both parties to really understand each other. Sure, in like sports a coach yelling at someone to do it works, but that is when you're pumped up with adrenaline and you understand the coach is in charge. In everyday life, sitting down, talking over coffee or tea, can do wonders. Not be aggressive with them, not belittle their thinking, but listening and trying to understand what they've gone through. Share the love that God gave you. My pastor was talking about the Issachar tribe, and what it means to live in the times but live like christian's in today's insane world. I really liked something he said, it struck a cord with me because I've never liked how churches seem to handle it the situations. He said, "Society has pressed the mute button on the church because they have seen quick aggressive responses and want none of that. They've yet to sit and listen to our thoughtful responses." This really hit me, because all too often the church and christian's alike seem to just attack and beat the word of God into sinners. Growing up having that done to me, I realize how ineffective that method is. It is really best to express love, and show them that God is good. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've used no scripture references throughout this post. That's because as christian's, we need to be aware of our actions and how they reflect the likeness of God and Christ. We were created in his likeness, so that when we are reborn through him, we will carry out good deeds to the world and live as lights and a blackened world. We want to be the hands and feet of God, do his work in the world. This isn't' anything new. The moment you ask God for forgiveness, he asks you to save his people. I mean, for the longest time every kid had a bracelet, WWJD? What would Jesus do. So, what would he? In light of recent events, I personally believe that Jesus would love. He'd tell them about God, let them know the grace of God through his many parables. Jesus loved. He loved all, you think he didn't? So many christian's don't want to get down and dirty working with everyday sinners. Jesus' disciples, the 12 men he spent the most time with, were tax collectors (hated people), fishermen, and some we are unsure what they did. Jesus spent time teaching to sinners along with saints. He hung around lepers, people who were cast out of the city. If you're a christian, and trying to live like Christ. Why do you hide behind church doors throwing scripture at every sinner who walked by? Be honest, don't you think Jesus would be out loving His brothers and sisters?

My apologies for kind of going off. I'm not a fan of how "aggressive" the church is. Too busy worrying about being contaminated. I read this story, a church heard that a LGBT group was going to protest across the street from them, and what the church did shocked everybody (unfortunately). They set up tents, put out food and drinks for the protesters. I just imagine the scene, members of the LGBT yelling at the church congregation, and they simply respond, "Are you thirsty? Been yelling for a while. Here is some water." As they hand them a bottle of water. In the midst of being yelled at, they showed love and compassion to the protesters. Now that is love. Fighting fire with fire never seems to work. Show love and compassion, let God's work and will be done.

I hope you enjoyed. I'm sorry if this post offended anyone.

Christian Fathers.

           A father is meant to be a rock, the firm foundation upon which a family can stand. He should be a light towards God using his actions, but also should have the tongue of God in his mouth. Teaching and sharing the word of the Lord with his family as well as sharing the good news to others. The issue is, that in today’s society, fathers and father figures are lacking in life. So many men have fallen short of the glory of God. So many men are blinded by self-righteousness and they forget the duties they signed up for when giving their lives to God. A father’s first order of business is to show his family the goodness of God. For we are all created in God’s likeness, and though we all fall short of the glory that is God, we all work to be as like him as possible.

           Fathers (and mothers) are the first people a new child ever get to know. They are the people who have the most influence upon the child. They are the first people given the opportunity to show Christ to this child. Sadly many fathers and mothers fall short of the glory of God, and forget what scripture has to say. So many people read the Book and live it in their own twisted utopias, very few read what others have to say, then compare that to scripture. Living a Godly life is not easy, so many daily struggles test your patience, but it’s about time father’s start stepping up. Time has sped up, boys seem to be “men” in physical stature earlier than ever, the thing is, too many of these “men” have failed to become scriptural men. It’s my prayer that the light of the Lord be shown to them, so that before they become fathers, they might understand what it means to be a Godly man. Because you must be a Godly man before you can be a Godly husband or father. I will cover Godly men another day, but for now, I wish to focus on the aspect of a Godly father. Over my nearly nineteen years living on earth, I can’t remember having that Godly of a father figure. Sure he took the family to church, he read his little devotional in the morning before starting the day… In reality though, he made me want to push God away. I wanted nothing to do with God if that was what it meant to be a Godly person. So many times, my father would pray before heading out on a road trip, and the first person to cut him off would cause my dad to go into a fit. He loved to say “waste of a life”. That stamped in me for the longest time the wrong picture of a Christian. I had this idea that as long as you prayed, went to church, and read the Bible you were saved. Ignorant old me didn’t like that, I wanted something that I had to put effort into, I wanted to earn. So by the age of the ten I’d read through the Bible a couple times. I wanted to understand it in every way possible. And after reading and reading, I began to understand something that haunts me. I didn’t have a Biblical father. In the long run I’ve come to understand and I’ve come to grips with it. Because I do have THE Biblical father, I have God as my father.

           So what does the Bible say about being a biblical father? Well, first of all, I’d like to start with a short and simple verse. To be a father, you must have to have a child… How it works. Well, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This is the perfect place to start, a father isn’t supposed to control their child’s life. He’s meant to be the first spiritual guide in their life. A father should guide, and train their child in the way of the Lord and trust that their child will live the way of the Lord. When a father to controls and micromanages a child’s life, they tend to become so upset with their father because when they become of age, when they reach sixteen or eighteen, they will feel called by God to walk their own path. Father’s should not be provoking their children to anger, they need to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). I know your first comment, “They should suck it up since it says Honor your father and mother”, yes, but just before that last passage, verses 1-4 say “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Notice something in the few passages I’ve shared so far, nowhere does it say protect them so that no harm ever comes to them. That’s not found anywhere, because that’s not what God asks of fathers. It does say in Proverbs 14:26 “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” A father must fear the Lord, he must show his family kindness and love. He shouldn’t anger them, or provoke them He is supposed to be the light to God, and supply a fortress for the cruelties of the world. A father should guide and teach, not control. He should listen and care, not force his ways. Simply put, a father should love his wife, and his family, as God loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Did God control them so that they were never hurt by things of the world? No, he guided them, taught them, and when they got hurt, he provided a fortress for them to retreat to.

Forcing something down someone’s throat never works. It’s human nature to fight when being forced. A father can only teach and guide God’s will. For their children are free souls who are lost and searching for a home. A father’s job is to help their child’s soul find a place in God. Controlling will only make it worse. To finish, I’d like to share one more passage that really sums up the point I’m trying to get across, 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” A father sends his child out, encourages them, and charges them. A father does not control, or force them to live his ways, trying to force his ideals upon his child. He should teach and show, but forcing will only hurt the relationship between the father and child, and I have had seen this first hand. I intend to practice teaching and guiding when I become a father, if that be God’s will. I hope I’m able to raise them to be God fearing souls, but I know that I can’t force them, I can only show them the love and grace that God’s shown me by saving my life. Thank you, God bless.

The Fear.

"I've been worrying, that my time is a little unclear. I've been worrying, that I'm losing the ones I hold dear. I've been worrying that we all, live our lives in the confines of fear." These poetic words are from the amazing song "The Fear" by singer song writer Ben Howard. I have loved this song for the longest time, ever since I first heard it. Everybody has that song that they just connect to, I mean, that's what music is for, to express feelings that just can't be described in simple words. Feelings that need a poetic feel with great rhythm and harmony. Only thing will this feelings be properly displayed. Well, I love this song for one main reason, I live in fear. I battle fear, I always have and I probably always will. It's a constant fear, living in the anxiety and fear. I know first hand what it can do to a person. I struggle constantly, but I am working on being better. Fear shouldn't control us, fear should help us, but not control us. I always liked the quote, "If you don't like the way things are, then change them." No matter what situation you're in, no matter how bad it is, you can always change it. Whether it be how you perceive the challenge, or if you just face it and get it over with. You can always change it. All it takes is 20 seconds of courage, and I promise good things will happen. (Taken from the great movie, We Bought A Zoo). So, go out and fix it, good things don't come to those who just wait, good things come to those who go make it happen. Start working, as I am, on overcoming fears and doubts and anxieties.

Constantly worrying, living in fear, plagued by questions of doubt and pain... It's all something that I'm sure a lot of people battle with. It's a battle of the mind and the heart. It's something that feels so beyond our control, but the truth is we all have the capability of overcoming fears and doubts and pains. We have people who love us and care about us, simply talking to them, asking for support can help over come that fear, or whatever it is that plagues you. No one can beat it on there own.

Everyone seems to prefer a different type of support to over come that fear though, you just need to know what people want and also know what you like to hear from people. For some, you need a motivational boost to overcome. You need that song, that youtube video or whatever it is that gets you amped up and ready to go. Others seem to just need support, they need to know you're there for them, just talking to them even if it has nothing to do what the problem is. They'll truly appreciate you just being there. So take the time to know what kind of support you need to face that fear, or to settle you down from that anxiety attack, after all, "no man is an island."

Fear can be found everywhere, there's different levels of fear and there are a too many reasons to count. Just know that something that everyone has their own fears, you can't control them, and you really can't just tell them to get over it. Fear has roots, dig to the roots, find the cause, then work it all out of the ground. It takes time, but would you prefer to continually have that fear, or would you like to rip it out of the ground and no longer have that fear? I know that I'd love to just rip out my fears and doubts, but guess what, it takes time. It may not be enjoyable, and they may make you want to leave them till they are better, but it really is best to stay and help them.

Knowing you have someone there is key, and I know you're both reading this so thank you for being there. I know I'm a pest and it can't be too enjoyable being around me or listening to me when I'm having the anxiety attack or am in so much fear, but you've never left and I don't think you ever will. So thank you so much. I'm very sorry for all I've put you two through.

So there's my take on fear and anxiety I guess. Everyone deals with it in someway shape or form. For many like me, it seems to be a consistent and constant battle within yourself. Be there for them, they need you. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.